NOTE TO READERS: THE STARS ARE ONLY FOR THE TARGET CAFE!!!
Dear San Francisco,
Normally, I wouldn't waste time writing a review about a target store, if you haven't been to a Target, you might be the Uni-bomber, or you
might pretend not to shop BigBox, but deep down inside, you love Target, even a bad Target, so the focus, as noted (supra) is THE CAFE.
This cafe has disgusting hot pretzels, don't waste your time. I would rather throw up in my mouth and hold it there for ten minutes rather than subject myself to the Target Hot Pretzel again. The nachos are repulsive, and the jalapenos might be made from orphans' fingers.
The slurpees though, are quite lovely. I think Slurpee (TM) might belong to 7-11, but I don't know what you would call the neon colored ice drink from the machine that goes round and round pleasantly like a washing machine otherwise...
What you really want from this Target Cafe, though, is the hot dog. I preface this, with a note. I am from Chicago. My favorite hot dog comes from Gene and Judes, greatest hot dog known to man, seconded by Flukies, which for some unknown reason became some other name and now I won't eat it. Don't be fooled. All these yahoos think the Weiner Circle is the best, but they are idiotic neophytes without a trace of immigrant blood in them. They wouldn't know a delicious hot dog if it came up and slapped them in the face, (Dartanian!!!) but I DIGRESS!
The Target cafe offers one of the only VIENNA ALL BEEF HOT DOGS on the West Coast. nay, West of the Mississippi. The bun isn't always perfectly steamy, but they do serve the right kind of mustard and relish. The pickle isn't terrible, but the hot dog, boiled nicely, is unmistakably Vienna All Beef.
If you are from Chicago, and you need a hot dog, don't go to Chrissy Field and eat one of those sick dogs from that tofu-spin doctor down there. Do NOT eat a hot dog in San Francisco if you can help yourself. Just go to Serremonte Target. Spend more than one hundred of your hard earned dollars (inexplicably EVERY TIME) in the main store, but do NOT LEAVE HUNGRY. I repeat. eat the Vienna All Beef Hot dog. I wash mine down with a Cherry Coke. I love Cherry coke, but only from a fountain and only with a Target hot dog. In Chicago, I'd eat my dog with an orange soda, which is more like orange drink, non-bubbly, but only from Gene and Jude's (Grand/River Road, next door to the ill-fated Thirsty Whale). Here, you can have a Beef Hot Dog, a Slurpee (TM?) and/or a Cherry Coke. Its great.
Love and Sweet Relish Kisses,
AXE read more