Target (N. Pron: Tar-jey, Tar-git) Place where one can find all kinds of consumer shit.
It arrives in the mail like a ticking time bomb! The over-sized envelope with the ribbon or balloon or cutesy animal design. It comes a year or so after the wedding invite. Yup: BABY SHOWER. Metro's cry can be heard for blocks: NOOOOOOO!!! But the continuation and propagation of life must be celebrated....even if with Le Baby Bjorn.
Irey was registered at "Tarje' " and as Miriam Unfiltered has pointed out, there are two "Tarje's" nearby. How to chose? Is it the Montagues or the Capulets? Almond Joy or Mounds? Simpson or Flanders? Luckily Metro chose the correct store.
I checked the registry and was left with dilemma having never been to a baby shower: what to get? I 'm the gift giver who has heard on more than one occasion, "Um it's nice but what is it?" So this time I was Hell Bent on providing a new kid, a new family with something that wouldn't suck! I went the stylish yet utilitarian route. I would get the baby bottle milk warmer made by the French sounding company. (Yes I am illiterate when it comes to all things baby.)
Everything went like clock work. Found the correct item in the registry. Asked the appropriate "Targe' " personnel as to where I could find said object of desire. I get to the aisle and find the warmer section. A woman nearby is also looking at the warmers. We both reach for the LAST warmer made by French sounding company. I have it in my hand. She knows it's mine! It's like parking spots in the city: possession is 9/10ths blah blah. She pulls her trump card with a smile, "I'm pregnant." I have no cards, but just the warmer and respond with, "How nice for you." We are now Targe' mortal enemies.
Exeunt stage left. Ah but Metro has forgotten one thing on the way to checkout. He only has the warmer, not the extra bottles made by French sounding company. "Sacre bleau!" I run around the over picked shelves muttering mantra, "Must find bottles made by company w/ French sounding name, must find...." Miracle of miracles I find the correct aisle and shelf again. Low and behold there is my El Preggers friend. I am looking for the extra bottles but non have the company with French sounding name's logo. Mort! El Preggers holds up a package, "Looking for these?" Foiled again! I offer to open peace negotiations, "Um I have to go to a dear friends baby shower and I could use the bottles. There don't seem to be any more on the shelf." She retorts, "How nice for you." It's a stand-off. I give in. She's committed fully to this baby warmer made by the company with the French sounding name. One last lame attempt to persuade, "I need to show up to this baby shower with this bottle warmer. It says so on this baby registry that I'm holding." She didn't budge. I could take them and run. She wouldn't be able to catch me. I could get through check-out pretty quickly. Then she offered, "Maybe you could get her a different baby warmer but get her some other things on their list." Ta-da! It made so much sense. Yes I wouldn't give them the baby bottle warmer with the French sounding name, but they'd get the baby towels, the blanket packet and a quilt, a packet of pacifiers...along with a baby bottle warmer made by a company without a French sounding name. El Preggers and I were both happy. It was an enemy of my enemy is my friend moment.
It is true! If one is required to go to Target, this is the one to hit.
Trois l'toile pour Targe'. read more