On Sunday, November 20, 2022, my friends and I had our stomach's ravaged by the so-called "International House of Pancakes". Jokingly, I tried to get one of my friends, M.M., to order the Southwest Chicken Burrito. Prior to the challenge, S.C., did some extensive research on the treacherous burritos they sell at this pancake shop. Upon finding the one and only review online, my friends and I were shocked by the discovery. "Never order a burrito from IHOP" is what was read on reddit. Because of this, I felt inspired, motivated, and encouraged to get Michael to face the challenge. My devious plan backfired and it forced myself to order the monstrosity.
When it was time to order, I decided to get a second opinion from our waiter on the taste and contents of the burrito. This is where our beef began. Slyly, he responded, "Yes it's good" and it led me to believe he was lying and plotting against my bowels. My friends convinced me to hear him out and give the burrito a chance. This was a grave mistake. Hearing the outlandish and unspeakable things that my friends were saying the waiter was going to do to my food and drink, I was beyond nervous to see, and taste, the final product.
Finally, doomsday arrived. The burrito was dropped at the table and it was the most unappealing thing a human can consume. To add to the bowel damage, the burrito was accompanied by a stack of two pancakes, yes two pancakes. Not one man on this earth has sat and thought, "Pancakes would be a great side dish to a burrito!" Then, the moment came, the first bite. Last weekend I punched the wall at Wilsons Hardware in Arlington, yet somehow ordering this burrito was the worst decision I've made all month. On a good day, this burrito was a soft four out of ten and I'm sure eating from the dining hall would've satisfied me more. The waiter then had the audacity to come and ask how the burrito was knowing full well it was trash wrapped in a tortilla. As a man who paid good money for this disaster, I forced myself to finish the entire thing. Another poor decision. The bowel damage is irreversible and now I have to sit and suffer knowing the loss of $15 was not worth it.
In the end, I've learned two valuable lessons. The first being that nobody, and I mean nobody, should ever order a burrito from IHOP. Doing this is a fine form of self-hate and a first class ticket to therapy. The second lesson I learned is that pancakes do not pair well with burritos. I may sound like a bad combination and that's because it is. I hope whoever finds and reads this truly takes this review into consideration the next time they want to order from IHOP. My strong suggestion is that they shouldn't even go in the first place, First Watch should be their main choice. Thank you for your time, and God Bless those who won't listen. read more