The food here is amazing and the staff here was very friendly and, frankly, heroic. They really proved their mental and physical strength when dealing with a large and disgruntled man. He looked to be around 450lbs. I watched in horror as his 4 cylinder Mustang (which looked to be salvaged) peeled into the parking lot. The car's chassis was scraping the asphalt, creating sparks as it lurched forward under its considerable cargo. I was alerted to its presence by the awful screeching of scraping metal in addition to blaring music that sounded to be a rendition of Kid Rock's "I got 1 for Ya" somehow performed more poorly than the original. The man now had the whole restaurant's attention, and I could see some of the patrons' facial expressions contorting into looks of horror as the desperately started packing what remained of their meals and rapidly made their way to the exits. While the rude entrance was off-putting, I thought it was a strange reaction. If only I knew what was about to happen....
The man, who I later found out was named Richard, squeezed out of the salvaged mustang as the suspension squeaked a massive sigh of relief. As he slammed the door, I noticed a woman also exiting the vehicle. Richard waddled into the restaurant in an angry but plodding fashion, his considerable bulk shifting from side to side as he moved. The woman moved behind him sheepishly, almost as if she was afraid or in danger. The door nearly hit her as Richard entered the fine establishment. He wasted no time looking at the menu, as he had clearly came here for one thing; their delicious chili. The rotund man barked at the employee, "Look here and listen pimp, I'm here for the good stuff. Give me my usual." The "Usual" was apparently 20 large cups of chili with an extra-large Pepsi. The woman, who I later learned was named Kelly, said she wanted something, but Richard said that their trip out of the house had already cost them over $150 in gas, food, and loss of streaming revenue, so they had to save money somewhere. Kelly started whaling about how Richard didn't love her physically and support her dream of paying to walk marathons. Richard lurched towards her and said that his Chevy Silverado Trail Boss doesn't run on dreams and hugs. As he moved towards her, the woman screamed "Not another table! Not again!"
Seeing that she was in danger, I got up and made my way towards the counter to try and intervene. As the employee was pleading with the man to calm down, Richard screamed at the man that she just tripped and that appearing offline wouldn't fix the situation. As I approached, the man wheeled around, surprisingly athletically, towards me and asked me, "Who sent you to 1v1 me?!? Syndicate? Keem? Woody? Kyle? Breaking Banquet? Carlito?" I was so perplexed by these random accusations that I didn't notice the man quickly pull off his ridiculous top had and brandish a heavily-used PS4 controller caked in gunk. Astonishingly, the man threw the controller towards me like a frisbee! Luckily, I was completely unharmed because his aim was incredibly off. He did end up breaking a 4k monitor though. The staff told Richard that he needed to leave immediately and that he would be banned if he continued to do this each day! Richard then told the worker, "Yeah whatever, I hope your family dies in an automobile wreck." He snatched the gallons of chili from the counter and ordered his wife to grab his Pepsi, yelling "Big ups Pimps, I'll see you tomorrow. Until then, I'm Audi 500. Peace!" and left the building. The staff came to check on me and informed me of this legendary land monster and his history. The said that now that he's left the internet he has become especially paranoid, desperate and dangerous. I thanked them for their assistance and left the restaurant shaken by the incident but unharmed. At least physically, as he may have found a way to profoundly change my life with his 62 level IQ.
The fries were perfectly cooked and salted, and the chili was robust and flavorful. 10/10 would dine here again. read more