I believe the phrase EPIC FAIL was invented for disasters like this.
These days, I generally refrain from flaming businesses -- I prefer to chalk up lackluster experiences to bad luck, bad timing, or the like. But this living nightmare was so gawd-awful, so beyond the pale, so utterly horrific in so many ways, that I feel it is a civic obligation to put the world on notice.
This massive Safeway has an impressive veneer but is in desperate need of better management. I arrived with my two kids (boy 6, girl 4) around 5:45 PM thinking we'd grab a quick bite for dinner. We visited the men's restroom for a pottie break and handwashing. My poor daughter, unfamiliar with how unsanitary men's toilets can become (Why God, WHYYYYY???), was confronted with a toilet seat soaked in urine, with wet wads of toilet paper all over the floor. I did my best to clean things up and help her out, but I did not have the requisite HazMat suit. Note to reader: if you are the kind of knuckle-dragging moron who 1) pisses all over the toilet seat and 2) leaves it, please do the world a favor and HAVE YOURSELF STERILIZED IMMEDIATELY. Your genes are no longer welcome in this world, if they ever were.
Now, on to the food court, where I thought we'd grab a few quick items and fill our empty stomachs. The "food" in the hot food bar looked like it had been sitting there, oh, since Easter, maybe Christmas? My kids love egg rolls and rice (regardless of vintage) so I was going to get them some, but there were no appropriate containers anywhere on, above, below, under, or near the food bar. So I went over to the salad bar and got a clear plastic container (for cold food) and put the rice and egg rolls in there, hoping we could check out and eat fast enough to avoid container meltage or other mishap.
I got the pulled pork sandwich combo -- which normally comes with a small drink -- but there was no drink offered. When I asked where I could get the drink, I was told somewhere over by the registers with a vague gesture in that general direction. No employee was staffing the cafe registers, so I rumaged around under the counters (with security guard eying me suspiciously) and found cups of 24, 32, and 44 ounces. I asked the guard if the "small" was 24 ounces, and he seemed dubious, but then added, "that's the kind I see people drinking." Whaaaat? I filled one with Coke and headed to the regular check-out area.
This is when things got truly Kafka-esque. The self-checkout was a zoo, I thought our items (lacking bar codes) would be complicated, and no one was staffing any of the Express lanes(!), so I stood in one of the 3 staffed lines (out of 20 available registers). And stood. And stood some more. And tried to dodge shopping carts cutting crossways through the interminable check-out lines. The gentleman in front of me, when his turn finally came, was determined to question and double-check the price of each of his 30+ items. The hard-working cashier -- a middle-aged Asian woman, and the lone bright spot of this entire ordeal -- very politely assisted him, despite a line of grouchy customers waiting to check out extending behind me as far as the eye could see.
By the time we paid and sat down to eat, of course the heat/steam from the egg rolls had dissipated, making them all soggy on the bottom. My pulled pork -- which was scorching hot coming out of the microwave a half hour earlier -- was basically room temperature. Our seats were located right next to the self-checkout zoo, so we got to observe (if not be enveloped by) the ongoing chaos while the manager tried to sign unwitting customers up for Safeway's new "Just for U" promotion. One sun-ravaged guy with a "Kama'aina"-emblazoned muscle shirt (really, dude? You're so kama'aina that you need to wear a messaged muscle shirt to prove it?) became nearly enraged when he couldn't figure out how to download the app to his phone, which prompted him to lecture the manager about how they should just offer 6% off all prices without the rigamarole. I might even agree with him in theory, but dude: wrong time, wrong person. She fended him off (or shined him on?) by saying over and over again "Talk to corporate. You're talking to the wrong person." Ad nauseum.
I typically shop at the Manoa Safeway, which is half the size but a totally better (read: chill and aloha) vibe. I'll be sure never to visit this Hell-Hole on Kapahulu ever again.
A TRAVESTY, TRULY.
You have been warned. read more