Based upon a positive review on the Phantom Gourmet, as well as the positive reviews here on Yelp, my friend and I decided to drive the 28 miles and 43 minutes from Malden to Dedham to check out the hoopla about Five Guys, another Hamburger chain.
I've always been a Foodie, and I was especially interested in finding "Boston's Best" Burger & Fries. I've eaten burgers at Bartley's, Joe's American Bar & Grill, Four Burgers, R.F. O'Sullivan's, Miracle of Science, etc., so I'm at least moderately qualified to know a good burger when I see (taste) one.
A couple days after we ate there, I felt compelled to draft an 11-category rating of Five Guys' Bacon Cheesburger & Fries ($8.50), as presented below. I used the same 1-5 star rating system as Yelp:
1. BEEF QUALITY & FOOD PREPARATION = 2. The Bacon Cheeseburger was too well-done, too dry, too flat, too tasteless, and much too greasy.
2. TOPPINGS = 1. Carmelized onions (no flat full slice of raw onion available) and mushrooms were severely undercooked and tasteless. The sliced Dill pickles weren't anywhere near tart enough.
3. CHEESE = 1. Tasteless and rubbery. If you're gonna eat fat, at least let it be of a reasonably high quality and one that tastes good.
4. BACON = 2. Crisp, but low-quality and also tasteless.
5. BUN = 1. Typical low-quality bun that is thin, unsubstantial, and quickly became very soggy. It was completely incapable of adequately holding the burger and toppings, making it difficult to eat slowly and not make a mess.
Since their chain's burgers are messy, they should at least supply a higher-quality bun! Indeed, we had to gulp down the food much too quickly. This must be OK with Five Guys because they definitely want you to leave quickly since there's intentionally far too little seating.
6. REGULAR-SIZE FRIES = 2. Nicely hot, moderately crispy outside, and soft inside. Unfortunately, they failed the most important test... they had far too little taste. I was particulary disappointed with the Fries because other Yelpers have raved about them.
7. COUNTER SERVICE = 2. Unknowledgeable counter person had to ask the Manager for answers to simple questions he should already have known. Unless he started yesterday, this is inexcusable.
8. WAIT TIME = 3. It was a very quiet time of day, and there was only one person in front of us. The order should have taken only 2-3 minutes to be ready, especially given that the cooks press the burgers flat with more strength than Ulysses. And yet, it still took 7 minutes to arrive. Tolerable, but it indicates that there'll be a long wait at busier times of day.
9. SOFT DRINKS = 2. Less than average selection with only one diet drink... Coke (yuk), and only one light drink... a very weak lemonade that's quite insipid.
10. PEANUTS = 5. Ah, finally a bright spot. The highest quality, large, delicious, and not rancid. But, we came for Burgers & Fries, not nuts.
11. DECOR = 2. Clean, but quite Spartan, unoriginal, with too little Formica seating for the large crowds that come during the busier times of day.
* * * OVERALL RATING = 2. We were very unimpressed, and wouldn't bother to return, even if they were a closer drive to where I live. You can do substantially better at a nice Bistro restaurant where a Bacon Cheeseburger & Fries only costs $1.50 more.
NEWS FLASH: A Five Guys has opened up very nearby in neighboring Wellington Circle, Medford. However, my experience was so poor that I've easily managed not to be enticed to dine there.
* * * SUGGESTION. A far superior Bacon Cheeseburger & Fries can be found at all Joe's American Bar & Grill (and many others) for only $10. At only a $1.50 price differential, you get an overall experience of 4.5 stars and a classy ambience.
There's simply no comparison! read more