A Father's Day Debacle
On the positive side, no one in our party actually got sick from the food and I must say, the view from our table of Long Island sound and the lush putting greens in the foreground was quite gorgeous. I even spotted a deer scamper across the lawn in the dwindling amber light of the setting sun. Beautiful. Unfortunately, these aspects might constitute this restaurant's only redeeming qualities. Strike that, the warm pita bread brought to the table was quite good, but was accompanied by individual pats of butter? Humus or olive oil might have gone a long way here, but I'll save my true ire for the following paragraphs.
Having described above any major redeeming qualities of this experience, I can only describe now a litany of complaints. The manager did check in early on to inquire about the air conditioning. It would've been more appreciated if he had a greater interest in our service and food quality. Perhaps, the temperature was the only thing he could really control.
Water was brought out to our table. And a pint glass full of ice. I thought this odd but realized why when members of our party indicated the water was warm. Strange. Were there some issues with climate control in this place? The warm water had a peculiar odor so I went with the Pellegrino instead - "one large bottle and three glasses please", but we received two glasses and two medium size Pellegrinos. Ok fine. Eventually a large, room temperature bottle was served and that remaining ice did come in handy.
We ordered but the waitress soon returned informing me that the grilled octopus was no longer available. Aw shucks, but maybe that was for the best. I went with the blue mussels instead while everyone else ordered salads, one of which got mixed up and my mother had to wait for her correct order. My wife's salad, the name of which I forgot, was quite good she said and a large portion at that. Several others in our party ordered Caesar salads and would soon speak of the near inedible bitterness of the lettuce. An odd feature for a Caesar but I tried some and although I did agree with their assessment, it wasn't all that bad, just odd. My mussels came to me in the kind of bowl one might receive to place the empty shells. However, I received no such bowl so I tried stacking the shells on my tiny bread dish. The bowl itself was narrow and tall, resulting in the mussels being mostly well above the garlic, butter-whatever broth at the very bottom. The effect of this was rather dry mussels garnished with some microgreens.
Onto the entrees! After directing the staff as to who was getting what, they set down in front of me a brook trout, or rather, the charred skin of a brook trout with little actual fish to speak of. The portion itself was quite small with little extra on the plate to speak of besides a couple baked tomatoes, some chopped Brussel sprouts and some sort of horseradish sauce. No bones at least, but very little meat and much of it overcooked. My wife's lobster tails, $60 market price supposedly, were diner quality at best and that's being generous. Tasteless and their texture was poor. I tried them as I was now desperate for more food! I also tried my mom's burrata ravioli. Another mistake. In a word, gross. She had plenty to take home but we left it there on the table with a bunch of other assorted partially eaten dishes and empty glasses that we never cleared. I eventually draped the linen napkins over the pile as if it were a corpse on the side of a road.
Dessert, the final blow. Still hungry and having not learned my lesson, we pressed on into dessert. I received about 4 fluid oz. of warm coffee and a gooey, ultra-sweet cheese cake slathered in whip cream. The kids seemed happy with their ice cream bars though. My wife never received the coffee she ordered, or the half & half we'd requested. My mom ordered some sort of Louisiana take on a zeppole, which might've been good but was quick to offer to others.
At this point, my blood pressure was rising. I just needed an out. Check please! The waitress would take her time with this request and I'd have to ask another waiter to find her. The bill came to nearly $330.00 but at least they only charged for two coffees. Some notes were angrily scribbled on the check to indicate my level of disgust with certain dishes but I knew it was all in vain. That's why I didn't really bother complaining. Even the table next to us was quite audibly having issues with the service. This Father's Day outing amounted to a good view and a few hundred dollars flushed down the drain. At least the kids got a good laugh on the ride home while I ranted about fantasies of having the place condemned and finally becoming a Yelp reviewer to set the record straight.
To conclude on a positive note, this experience was so profoundly bad that it inspired me to join Yelp and start writing reviews. read more