TLDR: cookies = delicious, employees = nice, loitering outside the store for close to an hour =…read moreamazing experience
One Friday night, my friends and I went to Dewey's to enjoy some delicious pizza. The service was superb, the atmosphere was amazing, and we had such a positive experience. But this isn't a Dewey's review so forget all that. After Dewey's, we wandered to the Crumbl next door. I had never been to Crumbl, but who could escape the TikTok videos of Crumbl cookies looking so delicious that even Chinese government officials supposedly using TikTok to spy on Americans were likely salivating at the sight of Crumbl's sugar-packed treats. However, none of us were in the mood for a cookie because we were full from the amazingly delicious Dewey's meal we had. But again, not a Dewey's review. Instead, we loitered outside the store watching others enter and exit. Perhaps mistaking us for Crumbl bouncers, a few people showed us their IDs before they entered. Others, believing we were homeless beggars, offered us cash and a steady-paying job. But finally, after 20 minutes, one of us couldn't resist the cookies and mustered up the courage to go inside. We had stood outside the store for so long, that entering the store felt taboo. The store, unsurprisingly, looked the same inside as it did from the outside. Having stood outside for so long, we were already well aware of the lay of the land, so we got right down to business. We got to know the employees who had probably watched us inspect the store for 20 minutes. Overwhelmed by the amazing line-up of cookies that could probably cause type II diabetes by simply looking at them too long, we turned to the employees for advice. The lady at the front recommended the Snickerdoodle, while the guy in the back preferred the berry trifle cake cup (which isn't a cookie, but a little product diversification never hurt anybody). They also had a shark cookie, a surprise considering shark week had ended the prior week, meaning just when Bethany Hamilton came out of hiding and into Crumbl Cookie she had to be reminded of her trauma all over again. My friend elected the Snickerdoodle cookie, and we immediately retreated outside where she so kindly shared her cookie, which was delicious. Definitely nothing to snicker about. Then, as creatures of habit, we continued to stand outside the entrance to this Crumble, happily forgetting that there was more to the world than this one strip mall in Kenwood. What happened next will never cease to amaze me. The employee, perhaps flattered that we listened to her cookie recommendation or just happy that we bothered to talk to her at all, came out with a box of four cookies and asked us if we wanted them, claiming that they had extras. Remember when I said we weren't really in the mood for cookies because we were full from the exquisite pizza? Well that went away the second the kind employee offered us those cookies. I immediately took the box from her. The way I felt holding those cookies must be the way a father feels the first time he holds his newborn child. Even though I didn't bake the cookies, I was still overwhelmed with pride and joy at the cookies I now got to call mine. Even better, we got to eat them. After they were finished, we couldn't bring ourselves to leave, so we stood outside the storefront, basking in the bright white light exuding from the sterile interior of the store. As time went on, I forgot what the world outside of Crumbl Cookie looked like. I worried that no love I received could top the love the Crumbl employees bestowed on me. TV history has seen many legendary hangout spots: Maclarens, Monk's Cafe, Central Perk, Luke's Cafe, Cheers Bar, and more. But no hang-out spot could ever top the sidewalk in front of Crumbl Cookie. I don't know if the employees loved us, or were utterly sick of our appearances defaming the front of the Crumbl, but once again our beloved employee came out with a dozen fliers for free cookies. Was this a thank you for our unwavering support of Crumbl, or a plea for us to leave the premises immediately? I am unsure but undoubtedly grateful. At this point, we had stood outside Crumbl for just under an hour, and our parents had reason to fear we had been baked into Crumbl's next cookie featuring human remains, so it was time we departed. But we will all surely remember this as the night we experienced a miracle. Jesus may have turned water into wine, but only we could turn 45 minutes outside Crumbl into 16 free cookies. And a piece of us will always reside on the sidewalk outside of Crumbl.
