Nothing new about New China Tea.
Somehow, amazingly they have avoided decorating this place since Nixons trip to China.
As a kid any ethnic restaurant was Taboo for my father, he had many pseudo racist fears about furiners and their habits in the kitchen, in fact the only Chinese restaurant he would get take out from was ten miles from my home, and the only thing he would eat was either Chicken chow mein, or Beef chop suey. I say yuck to both.
Because of my Fathers narrow ways, I missed out on those old kitschy Chinese experiences, I rarely ate the Americanized stuff. This adds up to one apprehensive boy when I walk into a place that looks like time stood still.
A friend had told me when he was younger he would order the famous Scorpion drink, well I knew about Scorpions from another restaurant on the South side, so I was somewhat at ease knowing I could get a good buzz on while ingesting corn syrup and food coloring.
The drinks were fine, reasonably priced, and I got my buzz on, er should I say added to my buzz I brought with. The staff is older and shrinking, I believe them to be the original staff, they have aged gracefully, but they seem tiny, even to my 5 foot 7 frame, these are very small people, another reason for this is the 8 cops that are scattered in the room all have on the full gear, making them look like transformers. Between the broken English handling the phone orders and the police radios blipping bits of coded information, it is quite the circus in there.
I had the Ma Po Tofu, it was fine, a little greasy but the flavor was good and the tofu fresh. The pork in the dish was slightly charred which added a nice depth to the dish, my girlfriend had sweet and sour chicken which I am vehemently opposed to, thick soft batter doused in a glow in the dark tooth achingly sweet sauce, sends shivers down my spine thinking about it. She liked it.
Pricing is basement prices, entrees come with choice of soup, and an egg roll, I think, I can't remember, did I mention i was drinking.
Parking is a breeze, well unless you go on a Wednesday, park behind an Hispanic Pentecostal Church. When you exit the restaurant you will find yourself boxed in. I guess when speaking in tongues on a Wednesday it is tradition to pull up to the back bumper of all the cars to ensure the son of god doesn't have any worshipers leaving early. As an atheist, I avoid houses of religion.
I walked to the back door and looked inside, this is not a "church" in the traditional Gothic style spired structure, this is a building that could just as easily be a Liberty Tax office or a Tanning salon. I looked inside and saw people waiting in a central line, they were being greeted by the minister and he would place a hand on their heads and, well once I saw the shaking, I couldn't take any more, I walked away.
I decided to take a walk to a Mexican bakery and burn some time, did you know the stuff inside a Mexican Bakery all looks the same, just a different color? I burned 15 minutes and returned, they were still shouting and singing. I assessed my parking situation, Maybe I can move the concrete bumper? I searched the trunk for a pry bar, nothing big enough. I searched the alleys high and low for something anything, to build a ramp to drive my Subaru over the parking bumper.
I returned with a shopping cart full of scraps of wood, a pallet and a couple of bricks. I then dragged over the dumpster from the Chinese restaurant, two of Chicagos finest looked at me but didn't seem concerned, I built a ramp out of a pallet and card board, This did not work. I was getting restless, my buzz was coming to a quick end, and I could feel the, "I told you not to park there." comment, brewing up from my patient gf.
Looking around, I could see a pile of garbage in the alley, a dumpster 100 feet from where it belonged, my hands were greasy, and the damn Christians were still building up to the frenzy that my imagination decided would culminate in some kind of sacrifice soon.
My Girlfriend says, "why don't you call that number." "Yeah, just call them in the middle of the sacrifice." I dialed the number, someone answered in Spanish, I said, "por favor, mi carro ay yer." Immediately a Gentleman with no blood or anything on his clothes came out, he assessed the situation and we were soon on our way. Leaving behind a pile of cardboard, a pallet, two bricks and a shopping cart.
Gifts from god for the church. read more