Twenty years ago, I bought a new truck as my college graduation present. One of the perks thrown in by the dealership was a free dinner for two at one of Chicago's legendary steakhouses. I'm no sophisticate--that was the first (and last) time I ever ate somewhere that REQUIRED valet parking--so I had no idea what I was in for, but I figured it was going to be pretty great. Afterwards, after I paid the valet the $20 to get my truck back, after having spent more for the stuff that wasn't included in my "dinner for two" than I usually spent on three dinners out, I seriously wanted to go somewhere--anywhere, even McDonalds--to get something to eat. Not just because I was unfulfilled in terms of the amount (and quality) of food in my belly, but because I was still wanting something psychologically that my meal had not provided. Most of how much we enjoy life is governed by expectations, and the divide between what I had expected and what had been delivered (by the least respectful server, to add insult to injury) I'd ever encountered, was truly epic.
Flash forward to this afternoon, Mother's Day, 2013. My lovely bride of 13 years, who among other things consented to adopt two Haitian children with me, asked that we eat brunch at the Indigo Crow Cafe. I made the reservations about a week ago, and the lady called me back to confirm, and I figured things would be pretty great.
The first disappointment was actually my fault. I didn't realize (admittedly, I'm not very bright sometimes) that if we wanted to sit on the patio, I'd have to specifically request that honor in the notes of my online reservation. As many reviewers have mentioned, the patio is the best thing about Indigo Crow, and when we got there and found out that in no uncertain terms would we be getting anywhere near it (not even a window seat), my wife was palpably bummed. But given that it was now 2 o'clock on Mother's Day, and we'd already driven 20 miles to get to this little slice of Corrales heaven, we decided to see it through.
Then came the sticker shock. There was a special menu with three courses and a children's option. $28 for the adults, $12 for the kids. Drinks not included. But I'd been warned by the lady when she confirmed my reservations, and I figured, it'll be worth it.
The waitress was very nice, and although she wouldn't bring my wife any coffee refills until asked, my beef with this place had nothing to do with her.
The first problem was with the kids choices. For $12, they could either have chicken tenders and fries, french toast sticks, or scrambled eggs and bacon. No appetizer. They both wanted the eggs and bacon, but we were kinda surprised when the plates arrived and that was IT. A little blob of scrambled egg (nothing added) and some strips of bacon. No potatoes. No toast. Not even a sprig of something green and inedible to liven up their sad little plates.
Julie had the eggs benedict, and I had the prime rib. Her eggs came on an un-toasted piece of french bread (the butt of the loaf, no less) and included a generous helping of lukewarm fried potato... cubes? The kind you get at a place like Denny's, or in a twenty-pound bag at Costco. My steak was the most impressive thing about the whole meal, in that it was plenty big, but a good third of it was fat and gristle. It came with some halved small potatoes that weren't fully cooked. As in, crunchy in the uncooked sense of the word.
So now we're starting to really feel like we're not getting our money's worth, either in terms of quantity, quality, or in any other terms worth considering. And then came dessert. Advertised as a "duo," it consisted of a single strawberry, sliced, a single chocolate truffle (about the size of a large marble), and a tablespoon-sized dollop of cream. The kids got just the strawberry and cream, no truffle for them.
I've had a few life experiences since my disappointing night at that Chicago steakhouse, and I've eaten some great meals, some of which I spent more on that what I dropped at Indigo Crow Cafe this afternoon. But for over $100 with the tip, which didn't include anything but one coffee and three glasses of water to drink, that was by far the most disappointing meal I have ever eaten. The fact that it was Mother's Day made it that much worse. Apparently, the owners take holiday occasions as the fine dining equivalent of a Gulf hurricane--a good excuse to jack up prices and exploit the hell out of their customers. From a culinary perspective, that was the laziest, least inspired, worst executed meal I've ever paid any amount of money for, let alone a hundred bucks.
We didn't go to McDonalds, but we did end up going out for frozen custard later this afternoon, just to fill some of that gaping expectation void. We won't be going back to Indigo Crow Cafe. read more