If I had written this review the first time I came here in December for a Christmas prime rib, I'd have given them a solid 4. Hell, on a good day I might have even dropped a 5, even though I almost never do that. The butchers were friendly, knowledgeable, and accommodating. The selection of meats was varied, the prices fairly reasonable. That prime rib was delicious. It turned into one of the best standing rib roasts I'd ever made. I was so pleased after my experience that I commanded The Force to walk 2 Angus bulls into the shoppe for them to butcher up and sell. Don't look so impressed, it's not much of a parlour trick. Do you have any idea how easy it is to command a cow? Look one in the eyes sometime. See that blank stare? Yeah, simple stuff.
But alas, the work of an evil overlord is never done, and I had other things to do - like make Han "disappear" for seducing my daughter. And then frame his Teen-Wolf wannabe friend.
Fast forward to my 2nd visit, today, and I'd give the experience a 2. Where were the butchers? The lady working there clearly wasn't one. Had to venture in to grab a whole brisket for a dinner gathering the Lady Vader requested. Simple enough, right? Nope.
The exchange goes something like this:
"I'd like a whole brisket. Lady Vader here went and touted up my pitmaster prowess, and now I've got to show off my mad Jedi Smoke skills".
Counterperson: "Great. As you can see from our sign, it's 3.75 a pound. Do you want the fat trimmed?". "
"I saw the sign already. I need a 1/4" fat cap. Anything over that I'd like trimmed. I'd do it myself, but burnt fat as a result of coming into contact with the iLightsaber smells like the ass of a filthy creature that smelled worse than the filthy creature."
Counterperson: "So you want me to trim all the fat?"
"No. I want a 1/4" fat cap"
Counterperson: "So you don't want me to trim any fat?"
"Depends if there's more than a 1/4" fat cap"
Counterperson: "So I trim the fat?"
"Who's on first"
Counterperson: "What?"
"Oh, never mind. No, don't trim any fat. Let me see what briskets you have so I can pick one"
Counterperson: "Oh, we only have one"
Come on....a butcher shoppe with only 1 brisket? I think I find that more offensive than trying to explain how to properly trim fat from the thing.
So she brings out "the one". I wanted something in the 7-8 pound variety. I got 13. I wanted something with a 1/4" fat cap. When she showed it to me, it looked like that's what it had. Unfortunately, between her hand covering part of the brisket and the angle by which she showed it to me, I didn't see the giant section of it where the fat had been completely trimmed. Nor the fact that on the thick part of the brisket, it wasn't 1/4". So now I've got a brisket that's almost twice as big as I wanted because it was my only option and I didn't have time to go elsewhere, with a thick section far too wide compared to the point cut, which means the point is going to end up dry by the time the larger section is done cooking. It doesn't have enough of a fat cap, which means I'm going to have to try my damnedest to keep it from drying out via extraneous basting (extra work), and it still probably won't meet my standards when I serve it. And I wasn't real thrilled with the marbling, which means the collagen probably won't melt properly and it's going to be tough unless I work some serious Force Manipulation on it. Which I may or may not be able to do, because it's a brand new smoker and one I'm not used to yet.
I feel like Force Choking a chicken...erm, kitten.
So, first experience a 4, second experience a 2, I'm going to average it out to a 3, subject to changes based on future encounters, as I'm still keen to give them another chance. I just hope next time there is A) a butcher in the damn butcher shoppe and B) more than one option for what I want to buy.
...and of course hope it at least turns out palatable for the incoming dinner guests.
3 Deathstars. read more