Review #11111 is very special to me.
If I come here naked, please don't call a TEA COP
I used to have a bad leg, so I did the TEA HOP
When I use the bathroom, you can hear the TEA PLOP
But when I want Milk Tea, I head straight to TEA TOP
I used to sit on Anfield Road, now I'm on the TEA KOP
I used to love Brendan, now I love my TEA KLOPP
I used to stick to one lover, now we love to TEA SWAP
But when I want Grapefruit, I head straight to TEA TOP
I got so excited, I let the f***ing TEA DROP
Barbie in heels almost slipped in the milk TEA SLOP
But the servers didn't mind, they brought out the TEA MOP
And quickly rustled up a nice replacement TEA TOP
Hyolin came here, and sang some TEA K-POP
She did sexy dance moves, it was a TEA BOP
She stepped on me (like Barbie does), I was her TEA PROP
And when she got thirsty, I bought her a TEA TOP
If you still have your cherry, I can help it TEA POP
Always keep it up and hard, never let my TEA FLOP
But that was when I was a dude, then I had the TEA CHOP
And when I want perfect service, I head straight to TEA TOP
WHAT
Dun Huang's most popular Boba shop, Chinatown's busiest teahouse, Houston's best milk tea, hands down. There's something about these recipes, as ones in Atlanta and Cali are similarly perfect - my all time fave milk teas - but this location blends perfect milk tea with the most wonderful, friendly servers, so it's at the very summit of my list of "best Boba in Texas."
In fact, I come here almost every day. No, not that type of come. That's Barbie. After all, these milk teas are orgasmically good.
What to get: Black Milk Tea, Oolong Milk Tea, Grapefruit w Black Tea, Orange w Black Tea, Watermelon w Black tea when they have it
Or: Switch the black (Darjeeling) tea to Sun Moon Lake (also black) for any of those drinks for a different but similarly wonderful taste.
And: ask for brown sugar instead of regular sweetener for an even more sweet and rich taste if you're into that.
Speaking of rich: some of Barbie's clients have way too much money for their own good, I mean what kinda 57 yr old pays that much to have someone put a diaper on them?
What not to get: Into a relationship with a Tea Bottom... subs are so boring.
And: Tiff & Jess rock our world.
As I said, there's no better place for crowds on any given night, there's often nowhere to sit, service is spectacular and I consider them to be my friends. I also have good friends at several other wonderful boba shops in Chinatown, but there are no other milk teas as good as the ones here.
Jess & Tiff are the nicest, hottest bobagirls in bobagirl history. We love them way too much!
Honestly there'll be weeks when I'll visit 7 times - usually near closing time, which they never have a problem with - they know my drink right when I walk in, too.
The owner is lovely & friendly, and has been going off-menu for me from day one. The employees love her (which is great bc lots of Boba employees secretly aren't too crazy about their owners). I also love that, as I said, they tend not to kick people out at closing time. As an additional lovely note, someone was very abusive to us recently on Yelp, and Tea Top took care of it before I even had the chance to. Like I said, loyal people.
If you haven't tried Tea Top, you haven't had milk tea in Houston. Come try it. I might even be here when you come
(It depends how close to closing time it is)
If you are Edam, I'll be the BRIE TOP
If you're the princess, I'm the PEA TOP
If you want sausage, I'll bring the D TOP
But if you want Milk tea, come for some at TEA TOP!
If you're Dr. Watson, it's the ELEMENTARY TOP
If you have 2 lovers, wanna make it THREE TOP?
If the bathroom's empty, I need to go and PEE TOP
And if you need a Grapefruit Black Tea, come to TEA TOP!
If you're on Kayak, I'm the TRAVELOCITY TOP
If you're Siouxsie Sioux, then I'm the BANSHEE TOP
If you're the Titanic, then I'll be the DEBRIS TOP
If you like Sade, just call me the MARQUIS TOP
If you're running for election, I'm the ABSENTEE TOP
If you're in Somalia, I'm the DJIBOUTI TOP
If you're Pam Anderson, I'm the TOMMY LEE TOP
If I'm a Spice Girl, you're the WANNABE TOP
Are you from Nashville cuz you're the only TEN I SEE TOP
If I'm Dallas, you can do me like DEBBIE TOP
If you're Macauley in My Girl, I'm the BEE TOP
So float like a butterfly down to TEA TOP!
If I'm a sports better, you're the BRIBED REFEREE TOP
If you're Charlie Brown, then I'm the SNOOPY TOP
If I'm JWoww, then you're the SNOOKI TOP
If I'm your husband, then you're my TROPHY TOP
If this review gets censored you can blame the FCC TOP
Wanna see a Wonka, I'll show you the WILLY TOP
Barbie won't get with you, she's into BBC TOP
Hopefully she'll call me and she'll share them all with ME TOP
I mean, there's a reason they call me AC/DC TOP
That's a pretty average night with Fox E and BARBIE TOP
And yes I'm very proud that we're both LGBT TOP
But there is nothing average with the fruity drinks at TEA TOP!
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