Five-Star Fiction. One-Star Reality.
Apparently, Rumi's Kitchen has mastered one aspect of the restaurant business: creative writing. Unfortunately, cooking, hospitality, and customer service remain largely illusory.
I was initially persuaded to visit by the restaurant's numerous glowing five-star reviews. Having now experienced Rumi's Kitchen firsthand, I find those testimonials increasingly difficult to reconcile with reality.
One recent review, in particular, reads less like an authentic dining experience and more like a luxury hospitality press release. Complete with remarkably polished photographs, an eerily empty dining room, and prose so extravagantly flattering that even the bathrooms receive a standing ovation.
The waiter apparently had mesmerizing blue eyes. The Persian tea induced a spiritual homecoming to Tehran. Every bite inspired collective astonishment. I half expected the reviewer to describe the valet ascending into heaven.
Who wrote this masterpiece? Was it solicited, compensated, or simply the work of an unusually enthusiastic customer? I cannot establish that. But its resemblance to promotional copy is difficult to ignore, particularly when its account of the restaurant bears almost no resemblance to what I personally witnessed.
The review describes warmth, graciousness, and extraordinary hospitality. I personally witnessed the owner berating someone at a table. Our own reception was scarcely more welcoming. Despite having reservations, we were largely ignored by the hostess and treated with an indifference that seemed entirely at odds with the restaurant's carefully cultivated image.
Apparently, the reviewer and I have very different definitions of Persian hospitality.
And then there was the food.
In a city celebrated for its exceptional Persian cuisine, Rumi's Kitchen manages the remarkable feat of making some of its most fundamental staples taste dreadful. The rice and yogurt, two elementary measures of any respectable Persian kitchen, were astonishingly poor. The yogurt was grainy, watery, and unpleasant. The rice was equally disappointing. These are not ambitious culinary experiments requiring a sophisticated palate to appreciate. They are basics, and Rumi's Kitchen couldn't even get those right.
The rest of the meal was no more inspiring. The ingredients tasted cheap, the preparation was careless, and the prices were extraordinary. One gets the impression that the restaurant's enormous investment in its spectacular interior must somehow be recovered through economizing on what actually goes onto the plate.
You needn't be a food critic, a Persian culinary historian, or even a particularly frequent diner to recognize inferior ingredients and poorly prepared food. You simply need functioning taste buds.
What makes this experience especially offensive isn't merely the inedible food or the abysmal service. It's the apparent contempt for the intelligence of the customer. Diners are seemingly expected to disregard what happens before their own eyes and accept a beautifully packaged fantasy instead.
If the restaurant devoted as much attention to genuine hospitality and competent cooking as it apparently does to cultivating its image, perhaps those effusive five-star reviews would become more believable.
To be fair, the architecture is spectacular. The interior design is exquisite. The photographs are beautiful. But aesthetics cannot compensate for dreadful service, offensive behavior, or food that has no business commanding these prices.
A spectacular interior can disguise many things. Evidently, competent cooking and sincere hospitality aren't among them.
Five stars for the fiction. One star for the reality.
My advice? Admire the architecture, question the glowing testimonials, and eat somewhere else. If you must visit, take a photograph and leave. Los Angeles has far too many exceptional Persian restaurants to waste an evening paying luxury prices for substandard food and hospitality that borders on contempt.
After all, the only thing Rumi's Kitchen seems truly committed to serving is an illusion.
And one final warning: Check your bill carefully. Rumi's Kitchen quietly tacks an additional service fee onto every check, further inflating prices that were already difficult to justify. Apparently, charging exorbitant prices for mediocre food wasn't quite enough. At least the restaurant is consistent: the hospitality disappoints from the moment you arrive until the moment you pay. read more