Portillo's... Be still my beating heart. Possibly literally...
I know this stuff is terrible for me, but I'm from Villa Park, where the original Portillo's Dog House stand all began, so *technically* I'm eating local whenever I eat the garbage pile of food that I consumed here tonight... which sadly, doesn't happen often.
And please don't PM me about America's obesity problem. Or about how fast food is killing the nation. Or about how not only do you not eat fast food, but you don't even have a microwave. Congrats to you. Have a cookie... for everyone who cares... which leaves you with exactly zero cookies. PS, your pious is showing.
Tonight I had 4 large orders of fries, 2 cups of melt-y cheese, and a chocolate cake shake for dinner... because I'm an adult and I can do that. Also because my life partner is out of town and this is the way I choose to fend for myself... and it makes me happy. It really does. He doesn't understand. It reminds me of growing up in Villa Park, it reminds me of my family, it reminds me how much I love food, and even though my pants feel a size of two tighter and I needed to take an emergency nap after eating just a quarter of my order, it reminds me that there are much worse things I could be than unhealthy.
I mean, unhealthy isn't a goal of mine, but honestly, I'm over the war on unhealthy and personally, feel that my time is much better spent elsewhere, fighting the war on unhappy. I can think of a million things that are worse to be than fat, and unhappy is right up there at the top of the list. If you're an adult, you should stay tuned to what makes you happy. What would you do if there was no one around to judge you or tell you what's right or wrong? I'd eat a shit ton of Portillo's cheese fries. It's a simple thing. So simple, in fact, that I can see where it might even be a little sad, but for whatever reason, to me it's not.
This was actually the second Portillo's I visited today. I'd originally gone to one up the road from here (that was actually closer to me) and convinced myself that I should feel guilty for going and I as I sat in the looong drive through line (even at 8:30 in the evening) waiting for the guys in yellow safety vests to take my ridiculous order. Then, as I got closer to approaching the order people, I got a phone call from my Andres D, and I decided to take it as a sign that I shouldn't be eating this way since I wouldn't be able to both talk to Andres and place my order with the drive-thru man at the same time, so I turned the wheel and decided to leave my spot in the drive-thru queue and go somewhere healthier. Maybe Whole Foods.
And then I got to talking to Andres, who's absolutely one of the kindest, sweetest, happiest guys I know - also a lover of fast food - and told him what just happened with my feeling guilty and leaving the drive-thru and what my order wsa going to be, and the first thing he said was, 'Mark is out of town again, isn't he?' and the second was something along the lines of 'Treat yo se'f!'... so I did. Because he's right.
So while I continued to discuss not-so-urgent life matters with Andres, I found myself at another Portillo's location just up Golf Road and I couldn't help but laugh as I placed my order with the girl standing outside the drive thru lines. I honestly couldn't hold it in. So much so that I felt bad, because I started to feel like either the girl who was taking my order would think I was having a go at her, or that I was on something, so I apologized and just explained that I wasn't laughing at her, I was laughing because all that food was for me. All of it. And i just had to laugh. She didn't judge. Just smiled and told me I could move up in line. Sweet thing.
When I finally got up to the window to pick up my cake shake and food, the girl handed me a cake shake with no straw and I was like thinking, 'what the sh*t is this?', so I calmly asked for a straw and she replied that the straw was inside my bag with all my fries.
WHY U DO DIS TO ME, PORTILLO'S?
You know damn well that no one orders a cake shake and leaves without sucking half of it down before they get of the parking lot. It's like you're trying to make searching for the cake shake straw the new texting and driving.
Also, my fries here weren't the freshest... which was sad since I'd gotten an almost literal boatload of them, but ain't no thang for me because I've got a damn fine microwave that was more than happy to assist in saving my happiness, er, dinner. i mean dinner. read more