Kevin James (the King Of Queens) was supposed to deliver me a package. It never showed. He said that I should go here to find it. After spending almost an hour arguing in broken Spanish (mine) and amusing Spanglish (theirs) about why they did not have my parcel, I realized that I was at the wrong place. I was supposed to go to the "Parcellost Bakery" instead. So, I did. But before I left, I grabbed some food here (partly as an apology to the owner for taking up so much of his time looking for my Swedish P*nis Pump Package) (oh wait, I'm sorry, I meant my antique trading cards that I bought on E-Bay). Anyway, I was absolutely shocked at how utterly delicious this food is. Talk about a diamond in the rough! You must get down here, and you must try it.
What to get: Guava Pastry, and the Chorizo w/ Green Salsa and a Salt Potato
What else: The Almojabana is okay but the aforementioned items changed my life
What is a chorizo: Well, I have something similar I can show you, for the sake of comparisons... (pulls down pants)...
I like that there is a lot of counter space between stools. Plenty of elbow room. Plenty of space to park your elbows, as they say. No wonder it's called "Parkelbows Bakery."
This is an absolutely amazing Colombian bakery in the heart of residential Queens, in an area which isn't known for its restaurants and is much less-frequented than nearby Jackson Heights, or Astoria or Flushing for that matter. But it is so well worth the trip down to Rego Park to sample this gem, because it is some of the best and most authentic Colombian food you'll ever try. In fact, I am so in love with it, that I've saved this review as one of my "final 10 NYC reviews" before I take a Yelp hiatus. If your tastes are anything like mine, Parceros might change your life. And if not, then at least change your shirt. No I mean, please, change your shirt. You're smelling a little ripe. It's summer, it's humid. Nobody's judging. Just please. Take care of it. Thx.
Sadly there's not a lot of money laundering going on here. It's not a front for any drugs or anything illicit as far as I can tell. I looked for evidence against them (so I could include this damning info in this review) and anything I found was unconvincing. The "illegal escrow accounts" that the Queens Bee reported were a farce. Which is why they renamed the place "Farce Escrows Bakery."
Seriously though, get the chorizo. It's utterly incredible. One of the best sausages I've ever put in my mouth. Forget the fact that an enormous spicy hunk of chorizo meat that will fill your throat up completely and make you feel bloated on the inside, is under $5. Forget the fact that it comes with huge round salty steaming hot sinful... potatoes. Salt potatoes, no less. Just the taste alone makes this one of my fave things to eat in town. I've had a lot of chorizos in my day and put a lot of sausages in my mouth and this is one of the very best I've ever had. I didn't think I'd like the salt potatoes and I was right. I didn't like them. I *loved* them. Wow.
I've had good moments wearing Russian clothes, and very bad moments. The highs outweigh the lows. Whereas the lows are usually associated with Parkas. And I wore a Parka on my first trip here. And I hate to admit it, but it was one of those "Parka-lows."
And as for the Guava Pastry, well I love Guava anyway, but this little thing is one of the best treats I've ever had. I tried some Brazilian and Argentinian baked goods on the same day, and they didn't compare to this little snack from heaven. So utterly perfect. Crumbly and flaky, but gooey and Guava-y within. Perfectly browned outside, perfectly pink inside, just the way I like it. Ahem.
There aren't a lot of cellos in the Rego Park Philharmonic Orchestra. Which is how this bakery got its name. "Sparce-cellos Bakery."
So you positively must try their chorizo with salt potato, and you absolutely need a Guava pastry. Parceros. The best Colombian bakery I've been to. My fave bakery of any kind in NYC, and perhaps in USA. Get here. Try it. Fall in love like I did. If you don't, I'll make out with you, to make it up to you. If you do, well, I'll make out with you, to celebrate. Sounds like a plan.
And I promise that after we make out, I won't stop until you, well, you know, get there. Unlike the unfortunate phenomenon that gave rise to the name of this bakery, with me, there will be no "Partial-O's." read more