Yeah, I know. Reviewing a "nice" restaurant in Jersey. Like critiquing the most delicious part of a toilet. But somehow the ape-men of this polluted hole-state cobbled together the talent and ingredients to create a classy, pricy joint that puts out some damn tasty food. The valets are of the typical snarky-teen variety that are definitely giggling about you/your car as soon as you leave and probably taking turns farting in it, but once inside the staff is professional, courteous, prompt and very skilled.
For dinner we made reservations at the hilarious time of 4:30, because I'm 90 years old and eat every 3 hours anyway. Surprisingly, the restaurant was quite busy even then. Because I am bad at picking things off menus (because I want to eat everything) and enjoy it when people bring me random food without my really asking, we elected for the tasting menu, wherein you're given a list of the day's available ingredients and notify them of any you wish not to be used, and then they wander back to the kitchen and whip up some random shit with it. I enjoy that this is just called "Bring Me Food," because it'd be so easy to append some bullshit French-ish name to it. I'm reading too much into things of course, but this really sums of my experience at 90 Acres: Delicious, creative food, with a minimum of assholery.
The courses were as follows:
-Oyster with tapioca pearls and caviar. Oysters to me will always just be living sea boogers served on a hunk of the now-dead sea booger's home/skin, so even squirting some fancy fish ova on it isn't going to do much for me. Still, one of the tastier sea boogers I've eaten.
-Charcuterie plate: Speck, wild boar, plus two other meats that I couldn't bother hearing the name of because I was distracted by the plate of smoked meats in front of me. If you like a plate of meat (and who doesn't, unless you are some sort of woman-man), this is a fine one. Nearly all of it I believe was sourced from pigs that were raised, unloved, and then coldly murdered locally, if that sort of thing matters to you. Served with pickles, olives, and some kind of tasty sweet blood-orange relishy thing.
-Scrapple with a farm-fresh over-easy egg on top, with mushroom salad. Star of the show for me. The egg yolk was among the creamiest I've had. I'm not a consistent subscriber to the merits of organic/local foods but I'll give you this one. And scrapple...well, if you're not PA-born and/or super-duper poor perhaps you're not familiar, so I'll explain: Scrapple is the leftover meat detritus not even good enough to use in hot dogs, molded into a gelatinous loaf and then cut off in slices and fried on a greasy, blackened griddle at the worst truck stop in town where it is then available to perforate your colon and forever change the way you poop. So the scrapple here is like a good version of that, which technically should be impossible and is thus all the more impressive. Sometimes it bugs me when people try to fancy up intrinsically junky peasant food, but scrapple is one thing definitely in need of a do-over because in its native form it as much qualifies as food as does a rat eaten by a pig and then vomited into another pig's mouth and then shit out and then chemically transmuted into non-food by Satanic alchemy. A bit too salty, but this was the dish where all the ingredients came together for a near-perfect gangbang of flavor.
-Scallops with white asparagus, sea beans, and a delicious buttery ham-juice sauce, with foam on top, which I understand is a thing now but to me just looked like spit. My companions championed this dish as the best of the evening. It was great, don't get me wrong, and my pick for a close #2, but I mean, I've had delicious scallops before. Can't say the same for scrapple.
-Duck with mushrooms, sunchokes, dates, and mashed yukon potato. At this point in the meal I was so bursting with food that time and taste began to lose all meaning and I was sincerely hoping that the next course would just be a quick death. So I'm probably biased in saying that it seemed just OK compared to the previous two courses, though as always duck skin/fat is delicious. PS dates are gross.
-Slice of humboldt cheese with beets and chocolate sauce. Only misfire of the night. To be fair, I'm not the biggest cheese guy because diarrhea, and I get that it was a palate cleanser but it just didn't do anything for me. The best part was when my companion ate a beet chunk thinking it was chocolate, and hilarity ensued.
-For dessert: grapefruit, olive oil custard with honey served on a shortbread cookie, and pound cake, with sweet cream. Great topper to the meal. I'm no grapefruit fan but it went well with the cream. The custard was amazing; the pound cake good too but paling in comparison to its neighbor.
And then they brought out a plate with tiny chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter truffles, presumably to kill us. Kill us deliciously.
Anyway, in conclusion, Jersey sucks. read more