My Barbie loves Lemon Black Tea
And she says that she'll share it with me
But she fibs with her lips
And then lies with her hips
Shakira's full of S, H, I, T.
Lust rises as temperature falls
And my Barbie likes big ones, not smalls
But when she gets her f*** on
Just one thing she'll suck on
That's KFT Tapioca Balls
Certainly one of my favorite Kung Fu Tea locations in the world, located inside the 99 Ranch, and they play sexy K-Pop videos for everybody in the food court, not just for their own customers - which is really awesome of them. You can still sit in the food court during Corona so that's good.
They make their drinks expertly, and some of the employees in particular are amazing at making drinks - such as the tall white guy with the long hair who I know from the Pearland location, and his good friend who is the owner of both this and the Pearland location. These guys make top quality products and are really good people, and that makes both of their locations some of the best around.
They're also some of the best people owning KFTs anywhere in the country - very very good people and that matters a lot.
I'm obsessed with their fruit teas, especially Lemon Black Tea, Orange Black Tea, Pineapple Black Tea and so on. They're marvellous.
What to get: Lemon Black Tea With Tapioca! Pineapple with Black Tea too! Orange with Black Tea also! Lychee Black Tea if you want something sweeter!
Also: get some amazing Puffle Waffles to go with your Bubble Teas. I'm feeling kung-ry.
When you exit, your car door may lock
At the Kung Fu Tea down here on Blalock
And whenever I ask
What Barbie wants, she laughs
And invariably then she will say "c*ck."
And of course you must get the Puffle waffles, named after our cat, Sammi Puffle!
Every bit as good as the Lemon Black Tea, are the Egg Puffs aka Puffles aka Bubble Waffles. Adorably, they break them into single puffles and put them in a bag, so it's more like french fries or popcorn (who else does that?), but more impressively, they taste more moist, more flavourful, more pillowy, and more under-done (which is how they should be) and yet piping hot instead of lukewarm (which is an absolute must), so I'd say these are probably the very best Egg Puffs I've had anywhere. As good as the street ones in Chinatown Manhattan. Gong Cha Houston makes great ones too. But these are our #1.
Still one of the best Kung Fu Teas you'll find, despite it being a little stand inside a grocery store. They have some of the best service and most chill and helpful employees who will make anything off-menu unlike most of the KFT locations within the city of Houston, and when you add to that the fact that they make their drinks expertly and wonderfully, you're talking about a top-notch five star Bobashop here.
We come here whenever we can, and I get a little bit fat on these wonderful boba stuffs.
They also play sexy K-Pop videos almost all the time as I said, which is pretty awesome while you are enjoying your food or delicious boba drinks.
Now for some rap..
If you're a Cow, then you produce DUNG
If you're part of a ladder, you're the lowest RUNG
If you wanna bring it, it's already been BRUNG
And if you want Boba you bring it to KUNG
If you float like a butterfly, I'm already STUNG
If you vape and smoke, you'll f*** up a LUNG
If you like Boba shop girls, be warned, they're quite YOUNG
But if you just like Boba, then you go to KUNG
If you go to every bathroom that I've ever SUNG
If you throw every insult that I've ever FLUNG
If you ask for every topping (except for MUNG)
Then, and only then, you feel the power of KUNG
If you're a swinger, consider me SWUNG
If you want to kiss, you should know I like TONGUE
You'll like me a lot if you like them well HUNG
And afterwards, for Boba, we'll go to KUNG
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