If you are the lock, I have the KEYHOUSE
If you're Anthony Kaedis, I am the FLEAHOUSE
And unlike freedom, this isn't the FREEHOUSE
So try the Lemongrass Over ice from the TEAHOUSE
If you are Edam, I'll be the BRIEHOUSE
If you're the princess, I must be the PEAHOUSE
If you want sausage, you know I'll bring the D-HOUSE
But if you want Strawberry Black Tea, it's the TEAHOUSE
I ran here so fast, I blew out the KNEEHOUSE
It hurt so bad, like the EMERGENCYHOUSE
But I said no, don't call the EMTHOUSE
Cause first I want some Honey Lemon Black from the TEAHOUSE
If you're Dr. Watson, it's the ELEMENTARYHOUSE
If you have 2 lovers, wanna make it the THREEHOUSE?
If the bathroom's empty, I need to use the PEEHOUSE
And if you need a Mocha drink, go straight to the TEAHOUSE
If you're on Kayak, I'm the TRAVELOCITYHOUSE
If you're Siouxsie Sioux, then I'm the BANSHEEHOUSE
If you're the Titanic, then I'll be the DEBRISHOUSE
If you like Sade, just call me the MARQUISHOUSE
If you're running for election, I'm the ABSENTEEHOUSE
If you're in Somalia, I'm the DJIBOUTIHOUSE
If you're Pam Anderson, I'm the TOMMY LEEHOUSE
If I'm a Spice Girl, you're the WANNABEHOUSE
Are you from Nashville cuz you're the only TEN I SEEHOUSE
If I'm Dallas, you can do me like the DEBBIEHOUSE
If you're Macauley in My Girl, I'm the BEEHOUSE
So float like a butterfly down to the TEAHOUSE
If I'm a sports better, you're the BRIBED REFEREEHOUSE
If you're Charlie Brown, then I'm the SNOOPYHOUSE
If I'm JWoww, then you're the SNOOKIHOUSE
If I'm your husband, then you're my TROPHYHOUSE
If this review gets censored you can blame the FCC-HOUSE
Wanna see a Wonka, I'll show you the WILLYHOUSE
As for Barbie, she's out looking for the BBCHOUSE
Hopefully she'll call me and she'll share them all with MEHOUSE
I mean, there's a reason they call me AC/DC-HOUSE
That's a pretty average night at the Fox E and BARBIEHOUSE
And yes I'm very proud that ours is the LGBT-HOUSE
But there is nothing average with the fruity drinks at TEAHOUSE!
WHAT!
What to get: Lemon Honey Black Tea, Strawberry Black Tea, Lemongrass Over Ice.
What toppings: Aloe Vera plus Strawberry Hearts, Lychee Bears or Passion Fruit Dolphins.
What not to get: Student loans instead of Teahouse, homes. (We all would choose the latter)
Wonderful location of The Teahouse in Chinatown. They have gotten it right each time, which many other locations don't. Their drinks taste strong and delicious, instead of watered down and iffy. Cute cops come here (although I'm not a big fan of the policy of giving free drinks to cops, or that so many cops take advantage of it). I don't like that you need a key for the bathroom. I do like that they have no problem with us being in there late, close to closing time. And I've seen a lot of Yelpers in here, one time they even met Barbie, another time I was with one of Barbie's friends and they saw her too. Fun times.
They're not as friendly as some of the other locations, but then this is Houston Chinatown so a lot of service in this area is not as friendly as one would hope. The products are excellent and they still served us close to closing time, and have always been pretty cool. You do need to request the key for the bathroom but then you also need a key to get in my bedroom if you know what I mean baby.
All milk teas here are mediocre or disappointing, except for the Honeydew, which is good but not the best in town. The smoothies are a little better - particularly if you get the coffee ones which are excellent. The Honeydew smoothie is good, too. But the coffee and mocha and chocolate blended smoothies are delicious and excellent.
However, the real stars are the fruit teas. Especially the more imaginative toppings, which are absolutely delicious. Passion fruit dolphins, lychee agar bears, strawberry hearts. Boom. All three are so unique and divine, they're one of my reasons for coming here so often. As well as the lovely Aloe Vera.
The most original, unique, spectacular drink is the lemongrass. Get it over ice - not blended - with Aloe Vera plus one of the big 3 (bears, hearts, dolphins). Same goes for any fruit based drink.
I also highly recommend the Strawberry Black tea w/ Strawberry hearts & aloe. And the heavenly Lemon Honey Black Tea w/ aloe, plus bears, hearts or dolphins. Both as good as the lemon grass, addictive, incomparable. Unlike anything, anywhere else. 3 drinks, such brilliant standouts, and why Teahouse is so high in my rankings.
Fresh Grapefruit and Tropical Fruit Tea are good, too. Both made with fresh fruits. I'm not as much into them lately, but try the former.
Definitely one of the best places for fruit teas (with Black Tea, the best way) in the whole country. And for sinkers too. I don't know how they do it, but they do it so, so well.
And if you service too many ppl in the bathroom, you'll end up with The Sore-Kneehouse.
And when you bring your wife here, it's The Guess-what-she's-having-an-affair-with-Mehouse. read more