WARNING: If you value your time and have any semblance of patience, steer clear of Cha Express. This place isn't a quick to-go/sit-in cafe. It's more like an existential waiting room. Prepare to waste at least an hour of your life (and maybe your will to live) while you wait for food.
The Experience
Let's start with the facts: this place is called Cha Express, but don't let the name fool you. It should be called Cha Forever, because that's how long it feels like you're waiting for your food. If you have somewhere to be, or if you enjoy not feeling like you've entered the twilight zone of time dilation, do yourself a favor and look elsewhere.
Time Warp
My friends and I (6 adults + 2 toddlers) walked in around 8:40 PM on a Thursday and ordered using the only self-ordering tablet in the place. We didn't get our full order until 10:42 PM, which is over 2 hours. That's right...2 hours for a few drinks and some snack food. The worst part? The food came out 2 items at a time, painfully slow. The final popcorn chicken dish just so happened to be ready the exact moment we were about to leave in frustration. Coincidence? Maybe. But I've got my suspicions.
One-Man Band
The reason for the delay? There was literally one employee working. Just one guy handling cooking, serving, and probably trying to keep his sanity intact. To his credit, he was patient and calm, so I'll cut him some slack. But let's be real: this is not sustainable.
Dear Management, if you're reading this: PLEASE hire more staff. The only thing that was "express" here was the level of frustration. Waiting over an hour for food to come out at a trickle? That's not how this works. One of my friends had to leave before even getting her food because it was getting too late. Her order was finished the moment she got in her car, so we literally had to run it to her like we were delivering an urgent medical prescription. Brilliant customer service.
The 4 Elephants in the Room
1st Elephant - The Menu: A List of Regret
This menu is like a buffet at a Vegas casino...offering everything and therefore perfecting nothing. If you've ever walked into a place with a menu as long as your grocery list, that's a red flag. It usually means they're trying to appeal to everyone, but sacrificing consistency and quality in the process. Here's what we ordered:
1 Jasmine Green Tea
1 Winter Melon Drink
1 Aloe Lemon Drink
Tater Tots (25 pieces)
3x Popcorn Chicken
3x Pan-Fried Instant Noodles
1 Chocolate Egg Waffle
1 Brick Toast
1 Takoyaki
Result? The Popcorn Chicken was the only thing that didn't make me question life. Everything else? It was a mess. The teas were watered-down to the point that I had to wonder if they forgot to add water. The Winter Melon Drink had a strange plum aftertaste that just... didn't make sense. The Takoyaki smelled good, but once my friend bit in, it made my friend feel nauseous. The Brick Toast was as uninspiring as a dry sponge.
And then the Tater Tots: 25 pieces for $5 sounds great, right? Except when your tots are the size of pinky nails. Seriously, I could eat the entire bag in two bites. What happened? Did a toddler cook these?
2nd Elephant - Spelling Fail
The menu had more typos than a 3rd grader's first draft. Come on, people....if you're not going to spell-check, at least use spellcheck. It's like they were in such a hurry to get this thing printed, they didn't have time to, you know, check for errors.
3rd Elephant - Cockroach Cameo
Spotted: One cockroach in the bathroom, another in the cafe. Not exactly the vibe I was going for. Health Inspector "A" rating? Either the inspector was blindfolded or bribed. Either way, I'm deeply concerned. Maybe the cockroaches were getting a better meal than we were.
4th Elephant - Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (Literally)
There was no ventilation. None. The kitchen smoke filled the air, and my eyes were literally burning. At one point, I had to step outside for air like I was trapped in an episode of Survivor. It's a cafe, not a sauna, folks.
Final Thoughts: The Black Hole of Dining
Once you make your order, it's like crossing the event horizon of a black hole. Time becomes irrelevant. Your patience gets stretched to unimaginable lengths. You're not just eating food; you're entering a time vortex where your plans for the evening evaporate.
If you've got nothing to do for 2+ hours and can live off snacks for the next century, then, by all means, give this place a try. Just know that you can probably run errands at a nearby Target and come back, and your order still won't be ready.
In conclusion, if you love waiting, bad food, cockroaches, and existentially questioning your life choices, then yes, go to Cha Express. Otherwise, there are plenty of places that don't require you to bring an external battery charger just to survive the wait. read more