They say insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Well, that's exactly how one would describe my experience with Walmart. Insanity. It's not that I go there much, but every now and again I find myself having the need to enter into the land of "rollback pricing". And when this happens, I always say to myself, "this time will be different...this time will be different" and it usually is different. Different in a "I didn't think this could suck anymore than last time but..." or "which circle of Hell am I in this time" kind of way. And it doesn't matter which particular store I go to; it's all the same scary bad dream that I'm stuck in with no "kick".
On my latest visit, I entered repeating my Walmart mantra in my head: "this time will be different...this time will be different" and for a millisecond, I thought it would be. Until I got a few feet in the door and was hit with a lingering rancid BO of... something. I never actually saw the beast (it had to be a beast...that smell was not human nor of this world) and that probably saved me at least a couple of therapy visits but whatever was there definitely left an impression. I imagine the beast to be a large hairy/scaly/fleshy combo creature that feeds on bologna and motor oil. And it has a mullet. And now I'm wondering if there is an invisible portal that opens up in Walmart stores that allow putrid, sweaty, lunch meat smelling Wal-Beasts to bounce back and forth from their Wal-Demon world to ours without ever being seen (only smelled) as they come to stock up on supplies for their impending attack to extinguish the human race. We won't see them coming, but they were here all along. And for those that survive "the war", they will tell their grandchildren that the fall of mankind all started at Walmart. Okay, this review just took a really weird turn...I digress.
So, after clearing the Wal-Beast fog, I grabbed my cart and set off on my mission to find poorly made yet inexpensive products, but after going too far to turn back and yet not far enough to have actually found anything I needed, my cart made a weird battle cry type of noise and decided to wage war against me. That damn buggy fought me and it fought me hard. I wanted to go left, it would turn right. I wanted to go forward, it wouldn't budge. And so it went until I finally gave up and left it in the middle of the store for the Wal-Beasts to use on their next visit. Feeling beaten and a bit nauseous from the initial gas attack, I decided to call it a day and attempted to retreat while still whole. That endeavor proved to be easier thought than done as on my way to the exit I managed to trip, stumble and get knocked around by either items in the aisle, runaway kids, disgruntled employees, invisible Wal-Beasts or all of the above. I finally made it out and back to my car with absolutely nothing to show for my trip down the rabbit hole...well, nothing except maybe my life. I only hope that next time I have the urge to do some big box discount shopping, I'll remember my classier friends at Tarjay and finally put an end to this insanity. read more