One rather warm day in August, I felt a hankering for Thai food. But being stuck in the culinary wasteland that is Middleboro, I knew I'd be out of luck; I decided to settle for Chinese.
Having been completely mislead by the 4 star review above, I made the trek to Tiki Budda. I would later regret it.
The restaurant is located on East Grove St. in a strip mall. The interior decor, is simple and inoffensive except the big screen TV blaring inane reality programming.
I was greeted by a hostess and seated at a table. Clean tablecloth... This might not be too bad. I was the ONLY customer in the place though...
My waitress was friendly; all smiles. She brought me a menu, and directed me to the lunch specials. Typical Americanized Chinese fare. I wasn't expecting any more.
I settled for the General Tso's Chicken combo (w/ pork fried rice and boneless spare ribs) and a coke.
My coke arrives. Fountain pour. 12 ounces or so. Nasty. It had that dirty CO2 taste like from a bar gun that hasn't been cleaned in months.
As it was a hot day, I downed it quickly. It stayed empty. The waitress paid no attention. She sat at the bar chatting with the bartender. I was thirsty, but no big deal.
Within 15 minutes of my order, the food arrived. I requested another coke and a pair of chopsticks. The waitress repeated my request and looked at me like I was crazy. It took her a while to find the chopsticks. They were the cheap disposable kind. I found this odd. A sit down Chinese restaurant, and no decent chopsticks? Oh, well. again, no big deal.
I then asked the waitress for shiracha sauce (generally a staple hot sauce in Asian restaurants) she again looked at me like I was crazy and brought out a dish of mustard. It had been sitting out open on a shelf. Who knows how long it had sat before she brought it out.
Now the real horror begins.
The portion was decent-sized and looked edible, though it was served with a small dish of what looked and tasted like apple sauce.
I dug into the spare ribs first. They looked dry, but dry doesn't begin to describe how BAD they were. Hard as a rock and rather foul tasting. I am not exaggerating when I say I've had beef jerky that was softer. I seriously thought I might break a tooth. The hell with the ribs, I figured, I guess I'll dig into some of this chicken.
NASTY!!!
General Tso's chicken is generally sweet, sure, but one should also taste garlic and chiles. Not at Tiki Budda. Nope. This stuff was just battered chicken in some kind of sickeningly sweet corn syrup sauce. I can't even begin to describe just how revolting each bite was. The chicken itself, mostly hidden by huge thick layer of batter, was of the poorest sort. Stringy, cartilage laden, nasty little cubes of chicken. I struggled not to look as if I was about to vomit.
Not that my appearance mattered to my waitress. She just sat over at the bar chatting away in Chinese with the bartender, while a big screen TV blasted some reality program about fat people dancing. She never once glanced over to my table. And that sucked because Coke number two was long gone, and I really needed something to wash the foul taste out of my mouth. Finally I had to get up and holler to my waitress.
Now, I've worked in restaurants, I know people have off days, and I tip really well unless I'm being neglected or antagonized. And I was totally neglected. Absolutely unacceptable. I was her only customer.
She finally brings coke number three. Still nasty.
Well, I figured I should just scarf down the rice and get this whole mess over with. I figured, "they can't screw up pork fried rice, right?"
WRONG!
My rice was old. REALLY OLD. Chewy, slimy grains of rice and rock hard little bits of what may have been pork. So nasty. And that's just the texture. The taste? Tasted like grease, cardboard and bleach. Seriously. Mostly grease and cardboard, the bleach flavor was faint, but it was there, and it shouldn't have been. Gross.
The waitress, who when she wasn't ignoring me to watch fat people dance on the TV, was very friendly. She asked how my lunch was. I lied.
Then the check came. Now I was really pissed. Though my lunch special was 5 or 6 bucks, I was charged 2 and change for each nasty, small coke. Really? This was fountain cola. I guess it's my bad for assuming that I would get free refills on the coke. Whatever.
The sad part of the whole experience was the tip I left.
When I first walked in and saw no one else in the dining room, I figured I'd leave a very generous tip. The waitress clearly was not making much money that afternoon, and what comes around goes around.
But I couldn't do it. The food was nauseating and the service (while friendly) was almost non-existent. I left 20 percent and considered it a parting gift.
Oh, and the best part of the whole experience? I spent the entire remainder of the day on the couch clutching my stomach. Yeah, sweet. I wouldn't be surprised if the cook hadn't washed his hands all day.
Stay away from Tiki Budda. It's nasty. read more