It was time for a pit stop and the only big box department store I'd trust is Target.
I'd just gotten off the phone with a gay friend from Austin who was shacked up in San Francisco with some bear daddy he flew out to see, when Jen announced she needed to stock up on some basics. And by basics, I guess she meant $200+ worth of underwear.
While she was making her selections, I got bored and tried to find hot pink flip flops in my size to see if I could ever, under any circumstances, pull them off. A quick glance in the foot-mirror and a disapproving look from a toddler informed me that the answer was clearly no.
I'd almost forgotten I needed undershirts, which was part of the reason I was there. I don't usually wear brands that use Charlie Sheen or Michael Jordan as "celebrity" spokesmen, but my choices were limited and I'd probably end up chucking them after the trip anyway if they didn't fit in my carry on. Better to throw away Hanes than Hanro.
I reconnected with Jen in the discount DVD area where we combed the $5 rack for a movie we could watch wasted later. She grabbed "Beaches" instantly. I love Star Wars, and Fight Club, and violent action movies...but for some reason I've never seen "Beaches" (There's a ton of anachronistic things in what I know--and don't know--about gay culture that surprises even me). I chose the less emotional "Baby Mama", which is probably much better after a half dozen martinis anyway. For $5, who cares; everyone loves Tina Fey.
Passing the groceries, Jen grabbed a squeezable Miracle Whip and told me to do a Lady Gaga finger-around-the-eye pose for a picture a la the "Telephone" video. Eh, what the hell. Turned out OK.
In the makeup section she sampled skin cream and I bought a travel toothbrush holder. I was disappointed not to find any cosmetics made by Mary-Kate and Ashley Olson. Then again, that was Wal-Mart, and then again, that was years ago when I bought that lip gloss. As a joke.
I decided to check out first because I hadn't placed what looked like half the pajama section into the cart. Our checker was named Edgar, and Edgar was cute. When Cute Edgar announced the total, I thought it seemed a little high for undershirts and a DVD. The culprit? "Baby Mama" had rung up at $9. I told him I got it in the $5 section, and he said it might have been misplaced. I said misplaced or not, "Baby Mama" was barely worth $5, and I wouldn't buy it on principle unless he gave it to me for that price. No deal. He kind of got the joke, but mostly just looked at me like I was messing with his world by asking him to perform a void. Hm. Cute Edgar might be kind of dense, too. Oh well, most of the time the cute ones are. Good service though.
What a fabulous Target. No crowds, no bombed-out aisle-ways, and plenty of help if you needed it. I never knew Targets could be compared, but Palm Desert's had a certain "je ne sais quois"...
...And see? I was able to use French without pronouncing it "Tar-jay" throughout the entire review. read more