At first we, were pleasantly surprised at the beautiful houses and views on the main road into the resort. A winter wonderland of sorts with snow capped houses overlooking a partially frozen lake. Then reality set in when we had to pay a $1 toll just get to stay at this "fine" (insert the thickest sarcasm here) resort.
After the toll we saw several blocks of townhouses and condominiums, we thought we were surely staying there being that there was five of us and Interval International (timeshare company has been fairly good to us over the years). Nope! Our final destination was the Galleria, or the Gonorrhea as we referred to it, as it is almost certain, by the looks of things, that you would get some sort of disease staying there.
A fully packed parking lot that had not be properly cleared of snow awaited us. There was four adults and an infant. Guess what? You have to go up stairs to even get into this dump, and there is not one automatic door. It's like they despise handicapped people or even better yet, building a semi-functional water-park supersedes basic amenities that ALL resorts should have. Not even a hotel employee to hold the door for you as you enter with a weeks worth of luggage and a baby. What you do get is a bunch of people smoking in front of the entry-door that would rather stare at you with their dead eyes then hold a door for you.
We get to the elevator to take us to our second floor suite. The elevator smelled of some sort of toxic fume. I image it would be similar to what the Exxon Valdez disaster clean-up smelled like. In front of our room was a large ball room of sorts that a local company was holding their annual drunk-fest, er, I mean post-Christmas, Christmas party. This was very charming at around 2:30 am when attendants of the party decided to fight in front of our room. Was there any staff to break-up the unruliness? Nope.
This is a perfect time to discuss our room. We stayed in a suite with two rooms, both of which were supposed to have King sized beds (they didn't) a Jacuzzi tub (it didn't). The furniture was dated and uncomfortable, the television was from the set of ALF; I believe. The floor, or carpet, or whatever it is was absolutely gross. There was a zero-second rule for that floor. The room was a non-smoking suite, but it smelled of stale Winston's, bleach and regret. Kind of what a strip club smells like. The heat did not work in our room at all. Awesome when you have a 6 month old baby in the room. Call maintenance you say? Yeah good luck with that, you get an excuse followed-up with a promise to make it right. They didn't......
One night we decided to go bowling. This is nice that they have the facility, but let's get one thing straight it is expensive. You'd think that for staying at this Hostage House that they would cut you a break. Nope. $7.00 a person per game. It was $28 for four of us. I am surprised that they did not charge my infant daughter. The floor of the alley is aluminium and very slick. It is impossible to have a decent game there. I mean, I am not saying I am Roy Munsen or anything, but let's at least give the illusion of bowling shall we?
There is a billiard hall with ping pong and shuffle board. You have to pay to play on the defunct tables. $5.00 for an hour. Not too expensive, but still you have to pay when you are already paying to stay there? It just seems like Split Rock is on a mission to get every dime they can out of you.
There is a restaurant, but I don't think it is ever open, so I can't say anything about it. There is a pizzeria that opens at 11 am. The pizza is ok. Nothing great, but it's pizza. The kicker is they have a Starbucks in there. However, they do not open till 11 am, so if you want coffee from Starbucks you're going to have to sleep in a bit.
I am saving the best for last. The pool. The over-chlorinated, slick bottomed, cold, dingy pool. I got in for about three minutes and got out before my skin rotted off. It lies dead smack in the middle of the "resort" for all eyes to see. It just seems like it is oddly placed for its purpose.
My eyes were burning before I could escape the pool room. If ever there should be an EPA Superfund site, the pool at the Galleria should top the list.
For the people that actually gave this place a decent review, may I offer you a Timeshare in Fallujah? Or will you at least tell me you just got out of prison?
We had our unit from Saturday to Saturday, but unanimously agreed to leave Wednesday morning. I would not send my worst enemy to this place. read more