I really, really wanted to like this place. I really did. My fiancee and I booked the Diana's Oasis room for a night, which is the second tier below the champagne rooms. It wasn't an inexpensive booking: by the time we paid all the various fees and such, we could have stayed a week in a more modest hotel. I'm going to mention the price because the problems with the room are exacerbated by the pricing. If you order a medium rare steak at the Awful Waffle, and it comes out well done, you shrug, eat it, and move on with your life; if you order medium rare at Chez Fancy Pants and it comes out medium well, it matters.
On first impression, the room looked like a lot of fun, and nice. There's a small foyer, with the bathroom off of it. The bathroom sports a good sized walk-in shower, with multiple shower heads. The bedroom has a heart shaped jacuzzi, a round bed, a couple of chairs, and behind it, the "pool" room. The room is a little 70's tacky, but ... hey, we knew that going in, and that was part of the fun. The problem is... it doesn't look like anything has been touched up since 1974.
On closer look, several of the sconces were broken and cracked, or missing chips. The furniture all had scratches, chips, dents, and such on it. Lightbulbs were burnt out and hadn't been replaced. The mirrors all had large black spots on them, and in one place, the mirror had been hastily repaired using duct tape! Yowch: for the price, they can keep up with the repairs on the place. Cleanliness was similarly lax -- it looked "clean enough," but a better look around showed footprints in the pool area, smudges and grease on a chair (given the atmosphere of the hotel, you know what that was from), etc. Worse, I woke up late at night to use the restroom, and discovered a large roach in the bathroom. YUCK!
Given the atmosphere of the place, as a "couple's retreat," it really makes me wonder just what other things weren't cleaned and how they may have been used... :-X
Having spent the day hiking, our first stop was the shower. One of the three shower heads was poorly attached and fell out of its holder, spraying water everywhere. Okay, that was actually pretty funny. There was a little tiny bath mat, which didn't serve to keep the floors dry under the best of circumstances, and definitely not then.
The jets in the hot tub were poor, as well, and a couple of them barely put out any water (some were fine, some just didn't work well). The indoor swimming pool, by the way, is about 5-feet deep, maybe 3' wide, and 7' long (I'm guestimating, I didn't measure). Its more of a soaking pool than a swimming pool. The ladder wasn't well attached, rather rickety, and had a large wire obvious underneath it.
Perhaps the most frustrating part was the way the room's shape effected the air conditioner. The foyer area bottlenecks with the bathroom into the main room. The AC is in the foyer - and you can set it at 60° if you want, and still have the rest of the room be hot, muggy, and uncomfortable: its hard for the cool air to get out of the foyer. This is especially true if you've used the pool or hot tub, or ... well, let's just say "used the bed."
The round bed's novelty quickly wore off when it came time to sleep: I'm just 5'9, but even at the very centre, my feet stuck over.
Also, one final word of warning. If you've seen their marketing materials, and are expecting to see anyone like the models in the ads, forget about it. I'm in my 30s, my fiancee in her 20s, and if you add our age together, you'll still be below the average age of the guests at the hotel: like the furniture, it seems like they've been there since the 70s.