Aapo: So, how are you doing?…read more
Osma: I'm good, pretty good.
Aapo: The subject of this interview is that Katja told me that you once made a sausage-bacon boat. Could you describe me what the sausage-bacon boat looks like and why would you do one?
Osma: Unfortunately the case is that this is just a persistent rumour, I have actually never made a sausage-bacon boat. However, I did fabricate a cheese-bacon roll from braided bacons, in which you use two packets of bacon and braid them into a flat, square slab. Then you top that with a thick layer of shredded mozzarella, and in the middle you put blue cheese, which becomes the heart of the roll. Then you roll the whole thing up and stick it into the oven. Once it's golden crispy, you eat it like a thick swiss roll cake, only with meat.
But, you can find the instructions online for a sausage-bacon boat, or more accurately, a sausage-bacon pirate ship.
Aapo: Ok, but you never made one then. Can you tell me how does it look like?
Osma: It has bacon sails and sausage masts.
Aapo: And what is the chassis of the boat made from?
Osma: Minced meat.
Aapo: pfff kekekeke lol
Osma: The sausage-bacon pirate ship comes from the same era as Epic Meal Time, if you remember them? They had this bro cooking show and became famous youtubers by putting Jack Daniel's and a lot of meat in everything they made.
Aapo: I'm not sure, were they the guys who were trying to make the most meaty things as possible. Like putting a chicken inside a pig inside a cow or something.
Osma: Ah, you must be thinking of Turducken.
Aapo: What's that?
Osma: It's chicken inside a duck inside a turkey, with minced pork meat layers in-between.
Aapo: Of course. What else could it be? Did you know that these things originate from medieval tradition of banquets that we're these long, extravagant dinners held by the lords that would include performances and several courses. And one of the things they would compete with was who would serve the most complicated food, and the dishes would be ridiculous. They would have bigger versions of Turducken, like starting from a cow and then a pig and then a turkey, and in the end it would be some tiny bird and maybe a small egg inside it. Some of them would have up to twenty layers.
Osma: lol. Weren't swans a popular choice as well?
Aapo: Yeah they would put pluck a swan, put smaller birds inside it and cook it, and then re-attach each feather individually before serving it.
Osma: Did you know that swans are like the bullies of the bird world? They pick on other smaller birds for no reason.
Aapo: Serves them right to be the center piece of a banquet then.
Aapo: What's the meatiest food you've ever eaten?
Osma: My brothers friend Pasi had this recipe where he would wrap beef tenderloin inside minced meat.
Aapo: What? You mean a steak wrapped in minced meat?
Osma: Yes it was kind of like beef wellington but he used minced meat instead of puff pastry.
Aapo: wtf hahaha
Osma: ...what else...I have to admit that in my past life I used to eat pretty meaty things. When I was a teenager I had an habit to buy frozen pizzas and top them of with an entire packet of bacon and mountain of cheese. There would be so much bacon grease that it would basically deep fry the pizza. Pretty nasty. Like fried snickers level nasty.
Aapo: One of my friends in my hometown had a signature pizza in the local pizzeria which had five different meats, so basically everything they had. Salami, minced meat, kebab meat, pepperoni sausage and ham. And double cheese, of course.
Osma: Goes without saying.
Osma: I would say that in Portland I've eaten the most blatant things. It's the home base for both striptease and barbecue cultures.
Aapo: Portland! I thought it was THE hipster city when it was a thing?
Osma: Yes. But it's also actually a really good culinary city, and it has most strip clubs per capita in the world. They have insane portions and all these food challenges. Like if you manage eat this 2,5 kg blob of meat you'll get it for free. Also the strip clubs serve food and the most fucked up thing is that people told me it's sometimes really good. I didn't try it though.
Aapo: Good to know, I guess. I had a meat overdose from a very traditional Finnish dish: the Iskender Kebab. Last time I ate one, which is years ago, I had the feeling that I really don't want to eat any meat for a week, or a month, or forever.
Osma: Isn't it called "meat sweat" ?
Aapo: Hah, what's that? When you so much meat that you start to sweat?
Osma: Exactly. But I guess it's a believable phenomena, won't meat put your body through quite a stress?
Aapo: For sure, and that kebab had at least triple effect.
Osma: It's kinda fun to nostalgize eating meat, but I seriously feel much better when I don't eat meat.
Aapo: Yeah, I know what you're saying, I mean I do eat meat also but I'd say 90% of my diet is plant based or vegan. It just makes you feel so much better.
