Our fave KFT location with our fave people on the planet is here in S.A. and we love it so much that I'm going to rap about it.
It's been 10 minutes, and I'm DUE
For another drink from Kung FU
So now I'm going to rap for YOU
And if it really sucks, just BOO
So if you and your bf are THROUGH
And you need something (someone) to DO
Let me show you how my legend "GREW"
And that all the urban myths are TRUE
Do me like they do the DEW
I'll move around and create some GOO
And it'll be sticky like GLUE
Then I'll buy KFT for YOU
There is no taming of this SHREW
Be glad your sister never KNEW
What we did, or she'd want me TOO
Ask my Nepals "what would KATHMAN DO?"
I'll be the driver, you the SCREW
You the river, me CANOE
Me Roger Daltrey, you the WHO
Or you can be Barbie's sexy SHOE
You Chinatown Houston, me LOU
Me dictator, you my COUP
You 80s radio, me CUTTING CREW
You the Synagogue, me the JEW
You a doctor's office, me the FLU
You the toilet, me the POO
Wait, what
Anyway
Those boys will have to join the QUEUE
And wait until I'm done with YOU
You'll bounce like a KANGAROO
Cause we're lovers, not fighters like FOO
And when we're done (in a day or TWO)
After I've made your kitty MEW
And after I've finally WITHDREW
Then it's time to go to Kung FU!
WHAT
What to get: Lemon Black Tea With Tapioca!
Or: All the fruit teas are pretty good, especially if you go off menu and get black tea!
Or: Go crazy and order your fruit teas with the very strong Oolong!
Or in winter: Any of the hot milk teas!
Which milk teas are best: Honey Oolong! Oolong! Maybe Taro or Almond!
This might be well be our favorite Kung Fu tea location in the whole country because no sooner had we walked in here than all the employees started freaking out and squealing and running over to us and telling us that they recognize us from Yelp Houston (3 hrs away) and that we are famous and they've always been hoping that we come into their store.
Bear in mind that this was the first time Barbie and I had been to San Antonio in over a decade. It was the first time she had been since she was a glamour model. And it was our last stop of the night, so we were thrilled to have such a great reception and such friendly warm people that were so excited to have us in their store.
A lot of the photographs that you see attached we're not taken by Barbie or myself. Quite a few of them were taken by employees because they wanted to be part of the photo shoot. Maybe those of you who say "what do the employees think of these awful photos!?" should rethink your all-consuming knowledge of earth.
Definitely one of the nicest experiences we've had - and let's not forget the drinks. The Lemon Black Tea is absolutely delicious here. We've now had it 4 times (although we've had "it" a lot more times) and it has never let us down (and I've never let Barbie down during "it"). They know how to make it, the levels are all perfect, and they're extremely friendly.
They said that they are the same owners as the Clear Lake location and possibly formerly the Katy location. Both of those are very good locations as well with very imaginative decor.
Generally speaking, Kung Fu Tea scores 5, but it's usually a low 5, considering that it's a massive international corporate chain, whose milk teas don't match up to the best chains: Sharetea, Gong Cha and Coco. However, they're still really good, and the fruit teas here are among the best. Especially the lemon black tea which absolutely rocks my world. If it's not on the menu, demand it! Other fruit teas (Berry, Orange, Grapefruit) must also be ordered off-menu as Black Tea instead of the meh Green. Also the Lemon Black tastes good as a Lemon Oolong, but everyone else hates it because they have bad taste.
So come here, to our fave KFT on the planet and tell them Fox and Barbie say hi.
So like Britney and Tinache, I made you OOH
And now I'll introduce you to something NEW
I'll give you yummy Boba to CHEW
That defines a five-star REVIEW
Lemon Black Tea's what I'll give to YOU
It has a lot to LIVE UP TO
But I know you'll share my POINT OF VIEW
Like the 90's web you'll scream YAHOO
Palestine will hear you louder then NETENYAHU
Who's big on Google but not on YAHOO
Crap I just double-used YAHOO
Oh well, Altavista's dead, Excite TOO
And no, my income tax returns aren't TRUE
But like Joey said, that point is MOO
So before we get audited by internal REVENUE
Let's go and get Boba from KUNG FU!
(And let me know please when you're period's DUE)
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