Was out with Wife doing errands, she mentioned a penchant for a burger. I took a quick reconnoiter…read moreon Yelp and saw Kuma's here.
If you read my Yelp on the original location, you'll learn I was quite impressed with the unique qualities of the bread and circuses therein.
THIS store, however, is not a funky old Chitown corner tavern, repurposed into a brilliant resto as the original is.
It has the appearance and feel of a corporate outpost with NONE of the intrinsic vibe and atmosphere of the paternal iteration.
It's a big room, with an enclosed "patio" that had even less charm.
One of the great things about the original is the non-exclusive yet cordial service, hinting at rough trade, yet somehow I believe this is a manufactured behavior, for fun. Kind of like if Ed Debevic was a hardcore outlaw biker. (IYKYK).
The servers here were kind of cheerless, and aloof.
I ordered an Old Fashioned, and it was yum. A wedge salad was next, and that too, was pretty tasty.
So I started to think, "Ok this isn't the original Kuma's, but the Schaumburg audience is going to be a bit different than the Northside Hipsters". When you're aware of circumstances, attitudes change.
Wife played it safe, eschewing all the ooga-booga burgers of the menu and just going for a regular burger, ketchup, mayo, tomato, onions, no cheese please. Cooked medium.
I, however, remembered seeing someone on TeeVee having a "Plague Bringer" supposedly redolent of Garlic and fiercely chilli'ed. Right up my alley! I bid the Waitron to bring it with all speed.
The burgers appeared shortly.
Wife noticed the tomato on her plate had an unsavory black & grey area in its innards. obviously rotten. How the expediter ever let that get out of the Kitchen, I dont know. It was sent back an returned with an excuse it was a bit of olive that got mixed up with the tomato.
I immediately checked the menu to see if they OFFERED anything, anywhere with black olives, and there wasn't anything there. I asked the same of the Waitron, and got the same answer.
As wife didn't put the tomato on her burger, it was shuffled to the side.
Wife said the burger was nothing special,
And neither was my "PlagueBringer". The expected Garlic onslaught was nowhere to be found, neither was the anticipated chilli pepper sting. All I could taste were the french fried onions (the same ones you find on greenie beanie casseroles during your Grandmother's Thanksgiving dinner) heaped under the top pretzel bun hood.
A segregated bite found the burger patties un-seasoned and not terribly tasty (both mine and Wife's burger).
What a bummer.
They gave a very small discount on the burger as an apology for the offending tomato slice. We don't go into restos with a defensive attitude. We HATE sending things back, and will only take a discount or comp if the kitchen or service ABSOLUTELY shit the bed.
Wife had the queasies for the rest of the day thinking other vegetations on her burger (or the burger itself) had evidence of mishandling. Fortunately, there was no food sickness.
Yes, there was heavy metal music playing very loudly throughout our visit, making conversation difficult, but I knew that would prolly be the case on the way in.
The whole thing was disappointing. I was hot-to-trot about the original store and how they seemed they were taking a stand against any restaurant taking itself too seriously.
It wouldn't surprise me to learn the folks who financed this outpost mandated some marketing fuck to whitewash the "Heavy Metal" concept, as seen in countless corporate restos based on a charming, small joint, and having none of its original DNA.
Doug Sohn was so right to never franchise "Hot Doug's", lest the accountants make a pudding of his concept and vibe as they obviously did here with Kuma's
I should have known when I walked in the front door and did not see a placard with the "house rules" nearby.
It's a one star. The Old Fashioned and Salad weren't THAT good.