This one is for Reviewbrah. He recorded VORW Show 92 this week in segments. I was also on the Belgian model railroading imageboard he was posting on the night he finalized it. Some of the other posters were giving him a hard time which gave rise to his bad mood in the beginning segment of 92. 5 Guys ("5G") is one of his favorite things and favorite things of other people are always a nice thing to behold, so burgers will spread cheer this week for all (or for none, because if we spread good cheer to all then nobody will have it.) In his weird state back east they have "the best burgers and fries" and he gave them a 9.8 out of 10 on the ol' rating scale.
I was aware of 5G (both the burger & fries purveyor at bar as well as the disgusting sex perverts that show up in pornographic films when a hot lady or confused young man calls the plumbers over to fix the sink) but had never visited since it's a chain and I had a pretty lengthy list of local burger joints to check out first. But the bacon burger made Reviewbrah existentially happy once upon a time so I decided I would try one too. I'm an impressionable youth and essentially just a latchkey kid if someone speaks to my inner Bobandy about burger related topics.
Reading up on the biz beforehand I like that they do not have freezers in their franchises, just coolers. So nobody beats the meat of 5G since it is not frozen. Unlike Elevation there are no organic or free range options though it is just beef. I like that you can find out prices in advance if you ghost the order online screen - the bacon burger starts at $7.29 and a little cajun fry runs you $2.79. It's casual and there's no pretension since it has a sort of 1950s hometown diner feel, it's an open air kitchen with a low counter so you can stare straight back at the people making your food.
There's a tiny parking lot at this one with a lot of parking spots blocked off for the other businesses in the strip mall, but since it's five minutes away from my house it was the closest one. They were not open precisely at 11am like they claimed they would be, we had a queue outside well into 11:03am before the door was unlocked. The wait time is 10-15 minutes for your food to be made to order (even if you order online they won't cook the fries until they see your beautiful face sashay in through the front door.) Rabble rabble rabble minor logistical complaints.
A review of 5G food in two acts today, starting with the Cajun style fries:
Petrol Station's fries were hella disappointing last week but the Rancor was so good it didn't rustle my jimmies too briskly. Meanwhile 5G Cajun fries are off the chain for a chain joint. They're not spicy by any means, it's supes weak compared to Ville Platte's fabulous Slap Ya Mama cajun seasoning but they are pretty well seasoned, essentially one less shake than Fuddruckers does with their fries. There's enough seasoning you can even see it on the little drink cup they serve the fries in. This isn't going to impress with you heat but the actual texture, stiffness, and overall mouth feel of the fries does win out against anything else you can find in a chain joint.
What's better, this location follows true to form by adding in fries at the bottom of the bag. They are supposed to do this. It's not an accident, it is lovely and a nice little touch of kindness in a cruel world. Bag fries statistically taste better than the fries out of the cup, since they were served with extra love. It's science, don't argue with me, Linda.
On the Bacon burger you can go all the way (ketchup, mustard, mayo, lettuce, pickles, tomatoes, grilled onions, and grilled mushrooms) or you can customize more. I figure there's less chance for mistakes to keep it simple so I just had them go all the way. The grilled onions and grilled mushrooms are just amazeballs - onions and mushrooms pair together nicely as two of my favorite things to get some Shrek flavor juxtaposed with the boomers. But since only few burger joints have the grilled mushrooms option in addition to grilled onions, I am in grilled heaven right about meow. The rest of the burger takes nothing away from my burger pleasure.
The burger patties are a little smaller than I had imagined and a little bland, but as long as you don't eat it dry you won't actually notice. If you get it all the way the ketchup, mayo, and veg add some distraction to the patties so already it's not a big hit that 5G doesn't do to patties what Old Fashion and other god-tier local burger joints do. The bacon adds in so much sensual, smokey flavor the slightly bland patty profile melts away into the ether and you are left with quite a nice bacon burger at that point - add the mushrooms and onions and you are the new mayor-sheriff of Flavor Town, baby. read more