I used to write my ice cream experiences down in a Churn-al, but after awhile I would feel a longing, a Churning, to put them somewhere that everyone could see them.
My ice cream journey could be described as spectacular. It's been my own Incredible Churn-ey, if you like.
I've had 1 threatening letter regarding my negative review of Lloyd's (from a fan), and a couple of negative/highly defensive responses from owners/employees, but I already promised myself I'd pretend all that didn't happen when reviewing this, and was genuinely hoping to give it 4 or even 5. 3 at worst, if I didn't like it. But I really, really realllllly didn't like it, and thus, the hype bothers me. But I'll say it right now. I really hope I don't have to deal with any drama because of this review. That's not something I feel like people should have to worry about when reviewing places - but it is. So I'm half expecting it, and no I don't welcome it or enjoy it. In fact when people send me very nice responses to bad reviews, I sometimes even raise the star rating.
Edit.. Even though the hate mail literally already started (from a fan), I'm upping it to a 3 based only on the product. Will try the cortado soon to see if it can get a 4.
But let's get on with it.
You know the funny thing is that sooner or later the people that own Lloyd's Taco are going to think that I just don't like them and that no matter what they do I'm going to give it a low rating. That is not the case whatsoever. Otherwise I'd have stopped trying their sh** by now.
No, I genuinely went into this place with really high hopes. I was like okay - I may despise their faux-Mexican products (virtually all of them), but here's something I can get into. Here's hair something that they have a good chance of doing right.
After all - Who can mess up soft serve? Well I'll tell you what - a lot of people can mess up soft serve, and a lot of people do, but nevertheless, at these prices I expected at least something average.
The soft serve itself tastes cheap, basic. I adore Milwaukee Custard, for example, and you can get lots of excellent versions of that in Buffalo and Rochester. I even like the hyped up, overpriced "Big Gay Al's" in NYC, which is really just soft serve - but it's very good soft serve. They, too, emphasize the toppings, but the base ice cream is excellent. The base ice cream here tastes like the cheapest, blandest Mr Whippy/Perry's soft serve imaginable. Like they literally went for the cheapest product because once they put all the toppings on it and jack it up to "gourmet pricing" (over $4 for a small, over $5 for a large, after tax, and they're smaller than the portions others serve, which is fine with me but wouldn't be if you're used to big ice cream portions), people will swallow it, figuratively and literally.
And they do. People don't know any better. Crap soft serve with decent toppings charging insane amounts, and welcome to capitalism, ladies and gents. You can pull the wool over everyone else's eyes, but not mine. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't good either. Not even okay. Kinda bad. The majority went in the trash.
Lake Effect down the road (seasonal) sells soft serve, and it's exquisite - and cheaper. Poutine And Cream across the street has similarly expensive ice cream, but it's homemade and it's damn amazing. Antoinette's on Transit is even better. Hibbard's in Lewiston has heavenly, miraculous frozen custard. So Buffalo is a bit of a hotbed. Over in Rochester, there's Abbott's. There's a location in WNY too. It's insanely good.
So basically - why even eat this.
Yet I bet you they make more money than almost any of those places. Twice the price and a tenth of the quality and taste.
The reason it gets 2, not 1, is because it's marginally better than the garbage served next door as food. Hopefully the millionaires running these places don't take this personally. It's about their products, not them. Everyone else (almost everyone) seems obsessed with their products so who cares what I think, really. They're doing wonderfully for themselves - good for them and all their fans.
For me it's kinda like, people who give Shake Shack 4 or 5 stars... or Wendy's, Five Guys, Mighty Taco... can't really take them seriously, never will. Sorry. People who give Lloyd's (or Churn) 5 stars, or even 4, makes me sort of avoid your other glowing reviews because in my cynical, judgy world, is not really possible to think this is amazing, and also have good taste, or taste that I would ever find any synchronicity with.
2 stars because it's not a national chain yet. Neither is Lloyd's but it's on its way. The extra star is simply out of loyalty to something that is, for better or worse, intrinsically Buffalo. Or, is now, anyway. Thanks everyone. A lot.
I should have known better than to expect anything from this place. You live and you churn. read more