Okay you've got a party, get together, shindig, or, God help you, a hoedown coming up.
Mike doesn't eat red meat, Kelly's a vegetarian, Tanya only eats organic, and while Luther doesn't care what he eats he's bringing his cousin who's in college and has decided to be vegan for probably like two weeks but whatever cause you're a considerate host and this is going to be the
Best.
Soiree.
Ever.
But with all these different dietary restrictions you can't just drive down to McDonald's, load up on dollar menu cheeseburgers, and call it a day. People will Talk with a capital T and your party life will spiral out of control, you'll lose all your friends, and you'll find yourself out behind an Olive Garden giving people invitations to your recently renovated dumpster!
Um, I've heard.
But don't worry! I know you're concerned that if you try to cater to all these tastes you're going to have to go to Whole Foods and start hemorrhaging cash like a hemophiliac at a knife juggling convention. Eff that! Trader Joe's has what you need and against everything we've all ever been taught they have it at not crazy person prices!
This place has everything you could want to satisfy your grocery needs! Organic? Check! And not just some dinky ass fruit stand in the corner where the manager threw a week old bag of oranges he bought off the interstate. This stuff's freaking everywhere! Did you want organic salad dressing? Eggs? Cereal? I freaking hope so cause these guys have it!
You need vegetarian? Oh snap guess what?! You just found the Mecca of affordable vegetarian options! I'm not even going to talk about the produce section, which is awesome. This place is ridiculously vegetarian friendly. Veggie chili, veggie Caeser dressing, veggie worchester freaking shire sauce. And it's all GOOD.
Vegan's you're in good shape too. And as an added bonus, every item they sell has a tiny hand written sign under it giving a description about it and damn near every one that's vegan includes something along the lines of "THIS IS TOTALLY VEGAN, VEGAN DUDE YOU SHOULD PUT THIS IN YOUR MOUTH."
And if you aren't sure what to make? Every, EVERY, Trader Joe's has this person that cooks up samples for people to try. And not just any samples. They reach through the aether, summon the old gods of destruction, and from their song of death sung millenia from now, and scry new recipes from this aural chaos so that when you try their gnocchi you KNOW it's apocalyptically good.
And Hell maybe you don't even have time for that. There's this one massive giant frozen aisle FILLED WITH READY TO GO FOOD! You just take it home, heat it over your dumpster fire, and BAM! You now have freaking Coq au Vin. You don't even know what that is but let me tell you right now: Delicious.
So next time you got a gala coming up or even just want something decent for lunch, get your happy butt on down to Trader Joe's, get the food you want, grab some flowers for your SO, and know you've made a good decision. read more