The Declaration of Independence on Target Boxes
Once upon a time there lived a little boy named George Dayton. George's Mom's name was Caroline and his Dad's name was David Day Dayton. David Day Dayton's parents didn't want him as their child so they gave him an alliterate name. George's nickname was Georgie because their dog's name was Georgie and they wanted George to be confused every second of his life, so they gave him the same name.
Anyhow, George decided one day that he was going to make a business and spread it across the country, (This was later named Target). But after his success, George died and his right hand man who was named Lil' Stew, took over the business willingly. Lil' Stew was walking in George's giant mansion one day and found a paper in George's old desk. This paper wrote: "Let thy boxes be huge, and thy objects be aggressively small." Since Lil' Stew was such a suck-up towards George, he decided to follow this random paper and make his whole chain of stores based off of it.
I hereby say that if thy boxes are huge then where do I dispose of all of this cardboard?
I write this Declaration of Independence towards you foolish fools that dare to send my family these ginormous boxes even though there is a tiny, itty bitty, container of toothpaste in the box. I have the right to stand in this problem because I see this happening as a way of threat to my recycling can and the environment. I find this issue very troubling towards my family so I will give you a list of 4 complaints to make your life worse.
1. If I order a bottle of hand sanitizer, I should have it packaged in a bag, not a huge box.
2. When I am sick in bed and I get my baggie of tissues delivered, I expect a tiny bag, not a new cardboard box that I have to flatten out.
3. How am I supposed to open a giant box with no eyesight when the box is carrying my eye-relief pills?
4. When I am throwing away my huge pile of target boxes in the dumpster and the dumpster breaks because of the boxes, who am I supposed to blame?
All in all, I think you little idiots that are somehow smart enough to be in control of which boxes go where in target, should accept my proposal and put all of my eye-relief medicine in normal bags while my new Samsung TV is in a bigger box.
Listen here, if Walmart can give me a tiny bag for my tiny toothpaste bottle, why can't your Target employees do the same? If I were to get my declaration declined then you should be losing sleep, knowing that I am on the prowl. read more