I will try and find some sort of goodness within this fiasco called a visit to Taco Hell. Pulling up to the drive thru, it was overwhelming. I cannot remember the last time I needed a laxative, but apparently today was the day. The ordering menu was full of stuff I was never aware of that Taco Bell even offered. I think there was a mini-anxiety attack starting as all I could think was..oh god, please let there be something I remember from the caveman era. Tacos, yes....oh oh...there is the Chalupa. I remember something about the Chalupa bread being tasty (my mind forgot the fact that the only thing good about the Chalupa was the bread). I just knee jerked and said I will have the #6. The voice then said, beef or chicken. Another choice, OMG....ok, chicken, no I mean beef. I did not know what I meant. I finally decided on beef. Then the voice said, what drink...ok...a diet??? What do they serve here. I now know its Pepsi products. So I ordered 2 Chalupas,1 Crispy taco and a drink. This sounded like way too much food. Why is everything in the form of "last supper" type proportions. The lady at the window was nice, handing me my drink and taking the cash. I guess they take the cash so quickly incase the smell of that, I don't know what to call the smell coming out of the drive thru window. But it was weird beyond weird. She then asked if I would like sauces with my meal. The brain area some what remembered that sauce factor, so I said yes, not so spicy please.
Next thing I know the bag is out the window and she is wishing me to have a good day. Ok, so she was friendly enough and the process was probably ok, except for the fact that I have not eating at Taco Bell in years. Now I was at the point of no return. Well not really, but I felt committed.First out of the bag the Chalupa. The bread looked the same, it was crispy, really crispy. More like over crispy. I think I remember it being soft yet a bit buttery maybe, maybe I was dreaming, anyway it was take a bite time. At first glance this thing looks like a glorified taco. It is right. Its a taco with the different bread. The bite was stunning. Nothing had any taste. It looked like tomato, lettuce, cheese, beef....sour cream somewhere....but none of it had flavor. I take that back, the beef had flavor. It tasted and looked something like what would be a swirly meatish sauce, if I had to describe it visually.....add a can of potted meat to a can of Kennel Ration and add some I don't know, taco kinda flavoring. As I look around the car, I am asking is anyone around to tell me what the hell this is I am eating. This cannot be what they serve. I added the taco sauce thinking this surely would help it. No...nothing will help it. I almost would rather eat my most hated food in the universe than this taco wrapped in a bad Chalupa shell. Let me also add that whoever made this thing must be mad at the world for working at Taco Bell, because they put the glob of sour cream at the end, so that when you bite into it, the whole thing plops out. I some how made it through the Chalupa, thinking ok, the crispy taco might be better. Did someone seriously slip me some drugs today, or have I totally lost every bit of sense I have accumulated in my lifetime cause this is some irrational behavior on my part. The hand goes in the bag and I find the crispy beef taco. Seriously, they would not put that Kennel Ration beef on the beef taco, would they? Oh yes they would and oh yes I am clearly not using my intelligence appropriately today. I cant even describe this pitiful looking taco. Am I just too old now to understand this is what children of the 80's are eating now and actually seem to be okay with this crap. Was I so young when I ordered Taco Bell back in the day that I don't remember that it was crap then and its still crap now. No, I don't think so. I remember when Taco Bell really cook up the beef and the beans and the cheese tasted like cheese, and the tomatoes and lettuce were freshly chopped....and sour cream did not come out of a container that looked like you should be caulking a bathroom. Those days we did not need Dorito flavored shells because the tacos insides actually tasted pretty good. The reason you need to order a Dare Devil Loaded Griller with Fiery Ghost Pepper is because without the hot as hell, burn your bum winker, this food is basically flavorless and looks like dog food. I think that dog food probably has more flavor. I would presume that the bad happened earlier today when I made the poor decision to turn right at the border, but something tells me that the worst is yet to come. I have plenty of Soft Charmin and Baby Wipes standing by for the what could probably be best described as Nuclear Warfare meets the King of Porcelain. All I can hope for is that the gaseous wafts of Kennel Ration Chalupa meet bad Taco do not somehow suffocate my loving mate. read more