Ahh yes... a dream come true for fans of anime and japanese culture... how could anyone turn their nose up at the idea of a conveyor belt that delivers sushi? Like a samurai stopping to rest and eat after a long journey across the countryside, I strode into this restaurant and sat down, preparing to be greeted by a maiden dressed in a traditional kimono dress. When the waitress arrived, however, she was dressed in plain Gaijin clothes... *sigh*... I bit my tongue and said "Ohayao. Might I trouble you for some fried tofu and a cup freshly brewed green tea?" She gave me a strange look which I wasn't sure how to interpret, but took my order nonetheless.
So far, all was going swimmingly.
However...
My good fortune was not to last.......
*ahem*
I deftly picked up my chopsticks and turned my gaze towards the parade of sushi making its way past me on the other side of the sliding window. Using the chopsticks, I slid it open so as to better access the morsels inside. But.. which to choose? I was use to perusing a menu at my own pace, but this... well, this was disorienting, to say the least. Before I could decide if I wanted something, it was gone! California rolls, crab rangoon, fresh fruit, tuna rolls... argh!! It all made my head spin! Perhaps this was my undoing...
You see, I ultimately decided to go with the crab rangoon. However, as skilled a marksman as I am with chopsticks (as any sensible gourmet ought to be), this was my first time trying to catch a moving target, and as ashamed as I am to say it, I was well out of my depth. While I was able to grab hold of the crab rangoon, my grip wasn't quite tight enough, and the force of the conveyor belt pulling it away as I stubbornly clung tight to it slowly stretched it apart. Yes, much to my shock, it was not crunchy and rigid, but rather quite soft, and simply too delicate to handle such a situation. Perhaps it was undercooked? Who knows...
In any event, before it was quite out of the range of my sticks, I realized that I was supposed to grab the little plate it was sitting on in addition to the food itself, so I squeezed my other hand in and tried to grab hold of the plate. However, by now the rangoon had wandered too far from my reach, so I merely succeeded in knocking it off of the plate.
This is when I first began regretting my decision to enter Sushi Zone.
By now the rangoon had been horribly mangled, and worse, I now had both of my hands stuck inside the sliding window, awkwardly pinning it to the conveyor belt, which kept spreading it everywhere, With some finagling, I managed to free myself, only to fall backwards and discover just how much of a mess was now all over my hands and the chopsticks. The innards of the rangoon were all over my sleeves, dripping down all over the front of my shirt and onto my lap in long ropey strands of what looked like...
...was that?...
...no, it couldn't be...
...in a *sushi* restaurant, of all places?...
...my god...
...it was...
"CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!!!"
Yes, to my horror, the rangoons had been stuffed with CREAM CHEESE, of all things! I was shaking, looking down at my cheese-covered clothes. I could already feel my skin beginning to burn... ah, dairy allergy... my inescapable curse.... So much for the samurai's honor.......
A shocked waitress rushed to my side, asking what was wrong. By this point I was flailing around, trying in vain to shake off the cream cheese. "The cheese!!!" I repeated. "I'm allergic!!! Now are you going to help me, or what??"
She hesitated, (and I can't for the LIFE of me imagine why), and then picked up a napkin and tried wiping the cream cheese and shredded rangoon off of my shirt. However, I quickly realized that she was taking far too long. "Nevermind!" I huffed. By this point, my patience with this restaurant was wearing quite thin, so I got up out of my seat, tore off my shirt to halt the gradually worsening reaction, and ran out of the restaurant.
And that..... is my story. A word of advice, weary samurai......... seek your meals elsewhere. Bento box, for example. I certainly know that I have no intention of returning to that dreaded place..........
*sheathes my katana and walks off towards the sunset in search of greener pastures*
Sayonara... read more