Although Smugglers Coffee, as a whole is amazing, this review is specifically aimed at their newest roast: TURBO REX
On Monday, I saw the the bag design for this coffee and was immediately drawn to it. It spoke to me. It said, "This bag is neon green." It also said, "Smugglers Coffee," which was just as important. I arose from my letter recliner; put on my pants, and with literally moments till close, entered Grindhouse Cafe and procured 12 ounces of what promised to be "High Octane Coffee."
I instructed the barista to prepare the beans for a drip pot and anxiously awaited the bag's return to my hands so that I might bask in the acrid glow of tomorrow's breakfast. The smell was much more pleasant than expected. I drank a bag of Death Wish Coffee, about a year ago, and remembered that it's ultra-caffeine content ranked second to it's putrid fragrance. it smelled like an old boot that smoked a cheap cigar in a port-o-potty. To my surprise, post grind, TURBOREX, smelled far less offensive than I anticipated. It's aroma was that of an old hotel lobby, the one's outside of airports, where traveling sales folk meet to share bottom-shelf old fashions and cigarette flavored tongue kisses.
The bag sat on my counter all night, glowing like that river of bad will running under the Manhattan in Ghostbusters II. I could hardly sleep. I anticipated being more intense than Morton Downey Jr. circa 1990.
At 8:00 sharp on Tuesday morning, I brewed 12 ounces of this madness. I drank and drank, and drank some more. I blatantly disregarded the "Extreme Caffeine Ahead" warning on the label. It is now 5:25 on Wednesday, and I've been consuming this evil bastard, exclusively, for 48 hours straight. I left my earthy body eleven times and returned to it only twice. Insane right? You bet your ass! This coffee should've been called Stone Cold Stunner. I wouldn't give Austin a penny for the use of his likeness on the bag either. Come at me bro.
In regards to the taste, this concoction drinks very easy. It's flavor is as unremarkable as the 6th Bulls sixth world championship. It's as forgettable as a box of Aldi Nilla Wafers, but prefect. It's bland but beautiful. It's two lane blacktop. read more