Car alarms are a fact of life in the city, and as aggravating as they are I have had to learn to deal with it. On Saturday, the car in spot 34 in my building's lot started to go off. The sound was a continuous "WEEOOO, WEEOOO" instead of the type that switches sounds, and it would go off continuously for 45 seconds, take a deep breath for 15, and then get right back to it. On Saturday, I dealt with it. I have noise-cancelling headphones so I put them on and watched Netflix.
Sunday dawns. "WEEOOO, WEEOOO" at 8:00am which is when I woke up but not necessarily when it started. I started to get unreasonably angry. Understand that our building is shaped like a "U" and this vehicle was parked just to one side of the open end, sending a blast-wave of irritation through every apartment's windows. I wanted to be reasonable, so my girlfriend and I went to the grocery store and did some errands. When we got back the alarm was still going off.
By this time it was 2:00pm and I was done. I called the police. They came, but said they couldn't do anything because the vehicle was on private property. Good to know for the next time I throw a party. I called the landlord and he said he would call the guy who owns the car. I left a polite note on the car saying "Your alarm has been going off for hours. Please be more considerate of your neighbors!' About an hour later, I made a tent out of paper and wrote "Hey everyone, look at what an A**HOLE I am!" on both sides, and taped it to the roof of the car. The alarm went off through the football games I had planned on watching while relaxing and drinking some stout.
Now I am fuming, stomping around my apartment and telling my girlfriend all the things I'm (not) going to do to the car. Slash the tires, stab through the hood until I find the horn, key the car, kick the headlights out, dump garbage on it. In my impotent rage my imagination knows no bounds in visualizing new tortures for the vehicle outside. Other neighbors have joined me outside in staring hatefully towards our enemy. I told them about calling the cops, and that I contacted the landlord. Our hands are tied.
My girlfriend goes to work at 4:00am Monday (10/31/2011), and the alarm is still going off. I get home from work at 6:00pm and the alarm is still going off. I call the landlord again. He says he will call me back with the number for his tow company. At this point the car is positively festooned with notes, to the degree that one person brought out a large manila envelope to contain and protect our missives of hatred. Then, for no discernible reason, the alarm stops.
I watched a movie with my girlfriend in sweet, gentle peace. Afterwards, I decided to take the movie to the mailbox along with a couple of other parcels. In my head I begin to compose an email to the landlord explaining why I didn't have the car towed. In all honesty, having your car towed is a terrible experience that I wouldn't want to inflict on -
"WEEOOO, WEEOOO"
I ran back to the apartment. A small crowd had gathered around the car, murder shining in their eyes. I told them I was calling the tow company, and they said that they had tried. I raced upstairs and dialed. "Yes," I told the operator, "He's parked in my spot." Within five minutes, the tow truck arrived and people poured out of the building. People cheered from the windows. Someone brought down a carton of eggs and several people pelted our cruel, auditory tyrant with sticky reminders that the masses will not wither beneath the onslaught of oppression forever.
The tow truck driver got splattered a little, but he didn't seem to care. He didn't even say anything, but went about his job with the biggest grin on his face. For once he was greeted with cheers and happy faces just for doing his work. On this Halloween, a tow truck driver was dressed up as the hero of everyone within two and a half blocks of spot 34. It must have felt damn good. read more