It pains me to write a review like this but I no longer feel welcome and won't be coming back. This happened in early August and I've waited to write about it because I was advised by the Connecticut Commission on Human Rights to wait to see if there were others with this experience. I did find a community of people on message boards complaining about this same issue, so I'm finally speaking out. The food here is good, but the waitresses refer to all of the people as "guys" no matter their gender or the identities they hold. I (female) was sitting at a table with 3 other women, two of whom are human rights lawyers and in their 70s; they spent their entire careers fighting for equal rights for women in the workplace. Every waiter/waitress (mostly waitresses) who came over to us kept saying, "What can I get for you guys?" (You guys...as if "you all" are "guys"). This happened over the course of the hour and was relentless. "Is everything good over here, guys?" "How's everything tasting, you guys?" "Do you guys want the check?" At some point, my friend, God bless her soul, interrupted the waitress and said "we're not guys. we're all women. you wouldn't go up to a table of men and call them ladies as in 'what can I get for you ladies?' would you? In the same way, we will not be misgendered. Let's keep the patriarchy out of this and let women be visible on a Sunday morning when we are paying customers, just trying to enjoy our breakfast." But...alas....it didn't stop. So the group nominated me to speak to the manager and owner, a tall lady who I thought would understand--as a woman of the world who gets paid 80 cents on the dollar to the men in her life, who's been invisible in most professional settings, and who has fewer governmental rights than the men she knows--but this is where things actually got worse. When I brought this to the manager/owner, she got very upset and started yelling at me. Here are all of the issues: 1) first, she told me that calling women "guys" isn't misgendering because "guys is a gender neutral term." My friend just wrote a book on the history of patriarchal language and how it's been used to erase women's identities, so we asked her "really? how many guys has George Clooney been married to?" She didn't have a response to this since, obviously, we proved that "guys" is far from a gender neutral term. 2) The manager/owner said, "if this happened to me, I wouldn't feel this way." We kind of just stood there speechless. Customer service 101: don't invalidate the lived experience of someone else. It's not relevant how you would feel in this situation. We felt invisible in your establishment, and that matters because it happened to us. We have the right to feel the way we feel. (By the way, it's worth mentioning that while we were having this conversation off to the side of the counter, the owner said to a group of women who walked in, "We'll be with you guys in a moment!" We were pretty sure she said this just to stick it to us and show that she had no intention of making sure that women felt seen for being women - and not for being subjugated under male identities - and that she didn't care what we had to say about it. 3) Finally, the owner became so dysregulated that she yelled, "'I'm over this conversation!" and physically pushed past me to get out of the conversation. Such poor customer service here; to not be listened to, to be told that your experience didn't matter, and then to be abandoned and ignored mid-conversation... A better, more appropriate, and helpful response would have been to offer me to the chance to speak off hours, when the cafe wasn't so busy, and then to listen and take the complaints seriously. Responses like "I'm sorry to hear that you didn't feel respected or seen here" or "we strive to make sure everyone feels comfortable being themselves here" would have been better. It's an important skill for adults to keep their composure and regular their emotions, especially when they're in positions of power. Frankly anything would have been better than "I'm over this conversation." Women are a protected minority class in CT so my friends, the human rights lawyers, looked it up, and it is in fact considered discrimination to misgender people in the state of CT, especially when they ask, over and over, to be called by their identity. We would be happy to offer free anti-discrimination trainings to Paperback Cafe, but it seems unlikely that they'd take us up on it since the owner was "over it" and didn't seem to care about the negative experience of some of her patrons. (And by the way, just for some basic education, the word "you" is plural in English. So the waitresses can just say "can I get you anything" to the table and we would have understood. Or, "can we get you ladies anything?" Or "How are you all doing?" We obviously won't be coming back. We don't need to be reminded during our breakfast that women have fewer rights and visibility in society. DO BETTER. read more