The service was #spectacular!!!!! Especially for being a white guy with high expectations, I was #floored!!!! The lovely hispanic manager was always there when I needed her to protect me from the onslaught of bum activity located right outside the restorant. Although, after several unsuccessful attempts at leaving the restaurant in fear of my 10 piece chicken nuggets happy meal getting jacked from the homeless, I realized the bum gang only wanted some spare change. But I wasn't about to give them scavenging seagulls a dime unless they was ready to work for it!!! However, as I got closer to the back door and the homeless got closer to me, I panicked and quickly reached into my pocket for some spare change--knowing there was no way I was going to get outa this place alive with all 10 of my beautiful white meat chicken nuggets still in tact. So what happened next??? #suspense
I didn't have any spare change in my pocket!!! Of all the days to not have a few nickels laying around in my cordaroys!!!! I now had no choice but to avoid all eye contact and look down at my feet and my nuggets as I raced past the seven dirty transients. Then I tried to find my car in the rat infested, bum lurking parking lot...but to my dismay...my car was no where to be found. #WTF
So after waiting, hostage, inside the McDonalds, without my glock 40cal on my hip, for the police man to arrive and take the report for my now stolen car, I was luckily in the best, most magical place on earth: MCDONALDS!!! Disneyland can suck it!!! ...So I did what any reasonable person would have done---I ordered a butt load of chicken nuggets while I waited for the po po to arrive. #...burp
Luckily survice was spectacular!!! The barbecue sauce was nice and warm from a broken air conditioner--I think the expiration date on one of them sauces was dated back to the civil war days...1887 or something...The good news was while I was waiting anxiously, I sold like 20 of them old antique bbq sauces on craigslist for like 65 bucks EACH to the same old hag who claimed to be some antique collector in her emails... #WORTH IT!!!
So after one time, 5-0, the po po, HPD, the boys in blue...whatever you want to call em arrived, I felt free at last knowing my car was being searched for day and night by the best group of crime fighters in the biz. THE HERCULES POLICE!!! #swag
Oh ya so like ten minutes later or something, I gets a call from da police dispatch and their like hey we found yo car, but--it appeared as though some homeless folk had been making love all over my seats: she laughed hysterically as she explained to me that those menacing thieves had a soup kitchen all up in my brand newish 2004 Mercedes 8 banger!!! #WTF!
I was too happy that my car had been found--even though I got there and there were no tires, no battery, no catalytic converter, and my dam radio was hijacked...oh ya, and my car had a dirty, misty, muggy, ripe, creamy, rat infested aroma in it now. #gross
I can't wait to get back to that McDonalds and finish the day with a cone! #vanilla!
#Richmond 4 Life!!! read more