I didn't care much for this half-baked attempt at pretentiousness. However, if any of you are wondering what failed MTV VJ Jesse Camp is doing, it appears he may be working the door at this Hipster watering hole. Unfortunately for planet Earth, he has not made much mental progress since the extinction of the music video, and continues to be a wasteful drain on our natural resources and society at large.
My friend and I arrived at Lock & Key Friday night around 11:30 with Jesse (or a near clone) eager to greet us at the door and inform us that we were in violation of the informal, un-posted dress code. Taken aback, I asked this strung out gatekeeper to elaborate, leading him to point to my shoes and utter, "Sorry bro, no tennis shoes allowed."
Ah, but Jesse my lad, you must have done too much LSD in your TRL days. These, my good sir, are suede chukka boots, certainly not made for competitive tennis, and much like the impractical combat boots you are wearing, a byproduct of leather. So without further ado, please step aside and allow me to overpay your employer for some alcohol.
Now upon hearing my proposal, a look of confusion and uncertainty came across the face of Mr. Camp, a facial expression that one might expect out of a gay Girls Gone Wild cameraman.
He took another gander at my chukka boots, and in his infinite wisdom of footwear, still declared them as tennis shoes. Clearly my initial argument was not settling well in the scrambled mind of the once famous VJ Jesse, so I asked where the owner could be found, to which our dear boy answered, "Somewhere inside."
No shit Sherlock.
Before much else could be said, Jesse (or a man closely resembling said Jesse) stated, "I'm sorry mahn, once a week we may do casual night, but right now we feel our business plan has a solid demand and I can't let you in."
Oh, supply and demand...I had no idea VJs, let alone doormen, were educated in economics these days. This absurd attempt at professionalism led to my response, "Demand? This is the second night you've been open and Lock & Key's financial wizards already have demand forecasts? Tell me, what are you envisioning for Q2 in terms of revenue?"
Again, I found the corpse of Jesse the Video Jockey incapable of handling this rebuttal, and at this point I had lost all desire to give these people my money.
After this, I left without issue. But while hailing a cab I noticed what appeared to be a disheveled Suicidal Tendencies groupie walk up to the door in a t-shirt and Converse sneakers, only to be magically granted access. Now to be fair, this dirty, anorexic version of Glenn Danzig was accompanied by two women who, judging purely off of the bruises surrounding their knees and inner thighs, were exotic dancers lucky to get a weekday shift at any strip club deep in Allah's asshole, aka the Valley.
Without much thought, I continued on with my night at some of the spots that make Koreatown a unique and enjoyable getaway for drunks in LA. Lock & Key was a nanomemory in my past, just a tip on that saw blade of Hipsterdom, cutting against the grain, riding the train of mass manufactured individualism.
But then I saw this; http://imgur.com/TDK1oGv
Cyrus B, who is apparently the digital spokesman for Lock & Key, posted quite a snarky, dim-witted response to a pretty spot on user review. In his statement, Cyrus B claimed that one of the patrons was not let in due a "T-Shirt" and "infared (infrared**) sneakers".
There are two problems with this defense. One is that myself and other reviewers have clearly documented cases of customers in t-shirts granted asylum into the bar. The other issue is that "infared" or infrared** sneakers do not exist, much to the disappointment of our military I'm sure, but nonetheless rendering Cyrus B not only as inconsistent in his management decisions, but also as a liar.
Cyrus B then declared, "Our goal is to provide a fun and classy cocktail environment part of which requires us to enforce a dress code."
Several flaws lie within this statement, the obvious I think would be the inconsistent manner in which dress code is enforced. Second would have to be the notion that "classy" is interpreted by this institution as whatever Urban Outfitters deems as upscale. It is an insult to F. Scott Fitzgerald himself to let this Mickey Mouse gimmick distort his characters and imagery with their trendy little roach cavern. Lastly would be the "classy cocktail environment". Given the intelligence of Lock & Key's employees, and its neighboring proximity to a gas station/ the ghetto, I think this space could better serve Koreatown as a Taco Bell/ Pizza Hut combo franchise. Jay Gatsby himself would no doubt agree.
Until that time comes, I'll grin every time I drive by this symbol of Guy Fieri in a fedora, knowing that somewhere down on 7th there is a cold pitcher of Hite waiting for me and my suede tennis shoes.
Looking forward to the Cool Ranch Doritos Locos,
Dale G.
Marfa, TX read more