I *really* dislike writing one-star reviews, as should be evident from my profile. I've also given Greyhound plenty of chances, even given their often-bizarre methods of business operations that have left me PO'd much more often than not. Their misadventure today, however, was the final straw. Greyhound, I don't *wish* I could quit you; I HAVE quit you.
In many ways Greyhound reminds me of the situation with taxicabs in the age of Uber: they're both still running under utterly antiquated means, and think that creating an "app" or selling tickets online somehow all by itself makes them the equivalent of an Uber or a Southwest Airlines. They do not. By the longest shot imaginable. (Think Pluto. Well, assuming it still exists...)
So: here's how Greyhound works today. Once upon a time their biggest worry was Southwest, which initially only offered short-haul routes (e.g. Dallas to Austin). Now they have a much bigger problem: Megabus. They've built their entire marketing model around one stole ... er, used in homage to the major European discount airlines, Ryanair in particular. Ryanair's schtick has always been "flights as low as 1 euro," and Megabus launched with tickets as low as $1 from the get-go, along with a bunch of nifty amenities like free wi-fi and power outlets for charging your phone or computer. Greyhound responded by creating Greyhound Express, which is basically identical except for them not using two-story buses or having any type of assigned seating. All sounds good on paper ... er, screen, right? In practice ... well, not so much.
Let's start with ticketing: if you buy your ticket online, there are no refunds, period, ever, for all eternity, regardless of whether you paid a buck or $250 for a cross-country trek (though I can't even fathom what kind of masochist would do THAT in this day and age). You can *change* online tickets for $20, assuming there's no alteration in route, but here's the kicker: you have to pay the change fee EVEN WHEN GREYHOUND IS AT FAULT for your inability to use said ticket. That's what happened to me: I arrived at precisely 1:08pm (confirmed on my atomic clock-synced iPhone) for a 1:15pm bus, only to walk in the station and literally see it driving off -- this despite the fact that I had two confirmed, pre-paid tickets for the trip. I was subsequently "invited" to sit and wait FOUR HOURS for the next bus -- ON TOP OF having to pay an additional $40 (recall that I had two tickets) for "missing" a bus that left early. (Also, Greyhound MAKES A POINT of stating on its website that unlike air travel, where you have to get to the airport at least a half-hour before departure, Greyhound lets you arrive and hop straight onto a bus -- well, unless, of course, it's DEPARTED EARLY FOR NO REASON WHATSOEVER.)
But just to be clear, it's even *more* likely that your bus will be running SUPER-LATE, and also for no logical reason whatsoever! Last time IIRC we left 40 minutes late; the time before was closer to an hour. Again: I have no clue why they were delayed. (Oh, that's ANOTHER super-awesome thing about Greyhound! Me, walking up to the manager: "Hey, do you know when the bus to Houston is leaving?" Manager: "Bus ain't here yet. I dunno." Me: "Do you know when it's arriving?" Manager: "I dunno." Me: "Do you know *why* it's late?" Manager: "I dunno." Me: "Can you give me even a ballpark figure when the inbound bus is arriving?" Manager: "Nope." Me: "Can't you call dispatch or something and find out?" Manager: "That ain't how things work around here." And so forth.)
Oh, and those newfangled "amenities" like wi-fi? Good luck with that. NOT ONCE have I ridden a Greyhound bus where the wi-fi didn't cut out entirely every couple of minutes -- AT BEST. Most of the time it's out of commission, period ... which, naturally, they don't tell you before boarding.
Finally, just to be clear, Megabus is no wonderful alternative to Greyhound like Uber is to taxis. HELLLLLL no. In some ways it's even *worse* than Greyhound ... which I say solely to emphasize that even *given* Megabus's own hot-mess set of problems, I'm still quitting Greyhound. And the saddest part certainly has nothing to do with *me*: Greyhound's service is piss-poor because the majority of its passengers have *no* other option. I'm not talking about folks in Austin or Houston or some big city; I mean the ones in small towns with either no airport at all, or one that charges astronomical prices since one airline has a monopoly on service there. In the old days they had to compete with Trailways. These days Trailways is a shell of its former self: basically just an ad hoc jumble of various highly regional bus routes, ones that cover only a fraction of Greyhound's total territory.
Sayonara, Greyhound. And for all y'all Yelpers considering a ride on it: ACHTUNG! read more