This review actually started yesterday. I made the grave error of trusting google for the time the Green Gate closed. Big mistake. Google, Facebook, and their website-posted-menus all list different closing times, so naturally I pulled into an empty parking lot. A true shame, as I had been looking forward to trying this place and they had a burger on the menu I was really craving. "No worries" I thought, "I'll be back tomorrow a tad earlier and try that burger!"
Fast forward to today, I rushed through all of my after-work errands to make sure I could make it in while they were still open.
I pulled into a parking lot full of cars, all seemed well. As I approached the door, I heard some music. Ok, well, the website DID mention jazz night, this must be it. Now jazz isn't my favorite music, but I do enjoy its elegant ambiance while eating a nice burger. I take one of the only open seats at the bar and request a menu, to which one was promptly provided. Oh no. I panic as I frantically scan the bespoke menu hastily printed on a piece of paper. There's no burger, in fact, it's completely different! No reason to stress, I'm hungry so I'll find something I like. I settled on the Jaeger schnitzel, which if you're familiar --is basically the complete opposite of a burger. I place my order for my food and and a beer, only to receive the flattest yuengling I've ever drank. There's hasn't been a bubble in this keg since at least 2021. It's fine, this is fine, I've had worse. Let's enjoy the jazz while I wait for my (not a blue cheese bacon burger) Jaeger schnitzel.
As I start to settle in and take in my surroundings, I'm quickly realizing this is unlike any jazz I've ever heard before. It's a duo composed of two men, one with a keyboard, and one with what looks like a giant xylophone. It sounded like aggressive elevator music, and at one point, I half expected a full grown woman with a recorder to jump out from behind a curtain and hit the high notes. As I was writing this, it seems the band found the synthesizer settings. Lord help me, it's about to get CRAZY in here.
The audience seemed to enjoy it, however, so who am I to judge, maybe I'M the one who's wrong. They enjoyed it so much, that they would routinely clap halfway through a "song" for no discernable reason. I guess my ear for jazz needs a tune up. It could also be the fact that everyone in the room was born before unleaded gasoline was invented. Maybe things were just different back then.
My food arrived and honestly it was fantastic. The meat was tender, the spätzle was the perfect tenderness, the beets(?) were good I guess, as good as beets can be... Probably the second best Jaeger schnitzel I've ever had. I really mean that. The bar (concert) area was nice, classic and warm. The bathroom was clean, the decor was on brand. The bartenders were professional and prompt, and everyone was friendly, likely because I reminded them of their favorite grandson.
I'm giving this 5 starts, because it was the most unintentionally hilarious meal I've ever eaten. 10/10 read more