Anyone who has driven Route 90 through the state of Ohio has probably seen the truck stops and gas…read morestations called Sheetz. As someone who loves to road trip, I like to check out the "big name" gas stations along the highways.
A couple of years ago, while on a west-to-east road trip, I decided to check out a Sheetz gas station to see what they were all about. When I walked in, it felt pretty typical. Nice atmosphere, corporate vibe, and either way, a seemingly great place to stop for a soft drink and some snacks.
A man approached me. He was wearing extremely stained denim overalls and could have benefited from an appointment with a good dentist, or possibly a veterinarian. Based on his verbal articulation and commoner appearance, I gathered he was likely a local to Warren, Ohio. He confirmed this when he told me that his nearby Sheetz gas station was one of the only places he would order pizza from.
In less colorful words, he explained that the pizza was surprisingly gourmet and that Sheetz should be recognized as a Michelin-star restaurant for it. Optimistically, I decided to trust this local man and his opinion. I ordered the same pepperoni-lover pizza that he did.
The man wished me safe travels and walked out. I then observed him scratching his armpit outside of his vehicle before throwing his pizza into the passenger seat and driving away.
After a brief wait, my ticket number was called and my pie was handed to me.
Sheetz pepperoni-lover pizza committed the culinary equivalent of manslaughter. It looked like pizza, smelled vaguely like pizza, and then somehow tasted like someone baked a wet paper towel on top of a thick flour tortilla. The pepperoni contributed all the excitement of beige wallpaper, and the cheese had the personality of a tax form. Styrofoam trays make for more flavorful meals.
That brings me to today.
I've always thought of myself as a man who learns lessons, followed by better decision-making. While traveling through Rapid City, I was in the mood for some pizza. Off Omaha Street, an obvious pizza place caught my eye. I pulled into the parking lot, where, ironically, two older gentlemen were sharing a pie from this pizza restaurant on the back of their work vehicle.
The restaurant is called Boss' Pizza and Chicken.
It has an appealing storefront, clean windows, and attractive brick facades. I rolled my window down and asked the gentlemen how the pie was. Their response was poorly articulated, but nonetheless a resoundingly positive review. Some friendly words were exchanged between the three of us, and ultimately, I decided to go in and order a pizza.
Great menu options: pastas, chicken, sandwiches, etc. I was feeling good about ordering the buffalo chicken pizza pie.
A quick deal with the friendly staff, about a 15-minute wait, and my pie was ready. I waited to open the box until I was in my vehicle.
Upon lifting the lid, my brain and mouth casually burst out, "$28 for THIS? Ha!"
The "large" pie had absolutely no weight to it. They square-cut the slices, and with such an ultra-conservative amount of cheese, there was nothing holding the pieces together. It was like opening a puzzle box. The ultra-thin pieces went everywhere.
Okay, okay, calm down now. Let's get to the pizza.
I guess I just didn't learn my lesson after trusting that raggedy man in Ohio.
When I bit into the pizza from Boss' in Rapid City, I had not experienced that magnitude of underwhelming disappointment since the day I trusted the raggedy man in Ohio. But the mere financial cost of this mistake was like pouring acid into a wound.
Boss' pizza has the texture of a stale, unsalted saltine cracker, with a dusting of entirely flavorless sauces, a carefully measured .25 ounces of topping, and an eighth of a cup of what I can only imagine to be Great Value brand mozzarella that had been kept in a freezer for 11 months.
This is the kind of pizza that gives Italians nightmares. Every time Boss' gets an online order, somewhere in Italy, a nonna wakes up in a cold sweat and doesn't know why.
The pizza tasted like it lost a custody battle with flavor. The only thing truly authentic about that pizza was my disappointment.
How could I be so thoughtless as to allow this to happen to me again?
Boss' Pizza in Rapid City, your pizza should come with an apology letter on every box.
0/10. Would absolutely eat at Sheetz before ordering your $28 pie again.