Do you like Cookies, Cakes and Rolls? Maybe cinnamon rolls? Challah bread? Anything that involves baking and carbs? Then run, Don't walk. Ok, maybe walk, because if you're like me and exist on a diet of chocolate chip cookies from Alana, there isn't much running involved. But that's not the point. The point is there is a new player in town in the home-based bakery division. Curly's Café. Producer of some of the finest baked things this side of the Mississippi.
What's that? You're gluten intolerant? You can't have sugar? You're a vegan and can't have butter and milk? Just like that friend in a MLM trying to recruit you to sell tire polish, I've got an answer for every reason you can't buy here. She did the ole "Folgers Switch" (Are any of you old enough to remember these commercials from the early 80's where snooty restaurants served folgers coffee to their patrons and then edited it to make it look like they enjoyed that crap) on me and gave me some gluten free cookies instead of my usual 900 calorie per bite cookies, and I couldn't tell the difference. Zero. They tasted like real cookies. They were so good, I gave one to the spirit of John Wayne, who immediately stopped berating me for eating anything other than traditional 1950's baked in butter and lard cuisine, and converted to the first church of gluten intolerance. And if you know the Duke, he doesn't just endorse any old product that's willing to pay for his chemo. Nope, he personally tests the cigarettes and whisky he'll appear with, so getting him to say that her allergy friendly cookies are the fat schniznits (John wayne was a rapper in the early 90's), is a huge, huge endorsement for Curly's Café.
But don't worry, not all her cookies and cakes are vegan and gluten friendly. If you're like the other 80% of America and are looking forward to treating your body like a roman temple being sacked by the vandals and visigoths (Interesting note, many of the Germanic tribes that wiped out Rome occasionally, had names that we now associate with ruining or looting society) Alana is fully willing to give you both barrels full of carbs, wheat, and butter, and then reload. These things are packed so dense with flavor that they actually bend time and space around them. You can actually see the event horizon around your box of cookies That's why she can only make them 12 at a time. Any more, and they'd achieve critical mass and collapse into themselves and create a singularity that would result in your own star floating around in your kitchen. So stick with 12 and leave the nuclear fusion to the engineers at MIT. read more
