Went to Zoombezi Bay and the Columbus Zoo (Jack Hanna Land) with the wife and kids. Worked up an appetite and thought the food court would be the logical place to eat. It was a little after 3:00 on a Tuesday when we arrived to the Congo River Market. I was extremely hungry and it was hard to get the kids not to stop at every attraction between the entrance of the zoo and the "food court."
Two of the six food options were open- a burger place and Donatos. My experience with Donatos outside the zoo told me it was a place that passes if no other pizza places are nearby ( poor Athens Donatos- Avalanche, Plus One, Little Caesars, Dominoes, and Pizza Hut would all have to be closed before it stood a chance). But Donatos is not usually terrible, just a few steps above frozen and below, well, everyone else). My daughter doesn't eat sandwiches/burgers and wanted pizza, the rest of us got burgers. I was irked to find out that combos at the burger joint don't include a drink, just the burger and fries. Whatever, you can't get out of a tourist trap corporate biscuit wank like a zoo without your nethers looking hot and bothered like a sick mandrill's cotton candy bum. The pizza was to take 10 minutes. We got our burgers and sat down. I noticed my bacon cheeseburger was missing the bacon, and all the other trimmings, just meat, cheese, and bun, and went back, only to find the same thing had happened twice before that particular day. I also found that the lettuce/tomato/onion packs to make the burger look like the picture had been withheld, so I got some of those. I realized going back to the table that the entire staff looked to be somewhere in the 14-16 years old range, save an elderly gentleman who swept. Is this legal? Are they volunteers? Any legal beagles out there ought to find out (I would, but I Pontias Pilate these sort of things, though I feel compelled to write this review to hopefully provide others with the knowledge I now have- ie, bugger this place). The burgers were alright, not as good as they cost, but again, I know the (man)drill. The pizza was ready after more than 10 minutes and when I opened the box I found that the edges were black, not burnt, Vader's corpse after the Ewok party black. When the kids went to take slices we found the pizza had not been cut properly. I took it back and the teenagers behind the counter, who were very polite-are they being held against their will?- cut it again, but just like the most of the conservationist concerns posted around the zoo, it couldn't be fixed for want of a sharper tool. Total suckfest. Also bought one of the refillable cups and could not find an open booth to refill, all booths shut down well before 3:30-4:00. The pizza, a thin, thin crust pepperoni cost 19.99 (13.49 in the real world), the cup cost 9.99 (29.99 for a set of four and the sign literally read "best deal," animals) and the burger "combos" cost 7.99. Next visit to the zoo will not include the Congo River Market, a place the enlarged tribal masks on the hauntingly remind me of a lawless badlands, cursed, commercialized, and sad. Teens shouldn't be working it and if it doesn't change it ought not remain open. read more