The wonderful people who own and operate this facility are far too humble to publicly acknowledge the ruthless efficiency with which they convert your furry little buddy into a number on a spreadsheet, so I'll do it for them!
Does the idea of a wide-open yard full of opportunities to play with other dogs or even just relax on the sidelines sound like an ideal setting for your dog--the sort of place you'd feel comfortable leaving them for the day while you head off to work?
No? Me neither! Luckily for people like you and I, Beds-n-Biscuits provides your best friend with boxes coming in at a cozy 1.5 sq. ft.! Is your dog, like many dogs, frequently overhydrated? Have no fear, the under-trained and over-worked staff at BnB frequently neglect to provide dogs with any water at all, for hours at a time! Whether it's 100 degrees or 0 degrees outside, rest assured that your dog will never come home sick and tired of drinking water!
Hey, did somebody say 'sick and tired'? Many people are elated to see their dog weary and struggling to breathe upon pick-up, assuming that they must simply be "dog"-tired from playing all day! But don't you worry, those of you with more docile doggies: at this state-of-the-art boarding facility, where the kennels are perpetually caked in feces and the pumping system is constantly backing up (flooding up to half the living spaces with filthy water! Wow!), there's a strong chance your sweet little guy will return to you lethargic and heaving regardless of what they've been doing while you've been gone!
But maybe, God forbid, your dog is in the best condition of their life, maybe their immune system is as strong as an ox. Well, the extent to which these play-yards are packed full (illegally full, one might say!) will all but guarantee that your dog will be horribly injured in some sort of violent scuffle involving numerous dogs and one physically exhausted human (yards sometimes being supervised by employees as young as 16 or as old as 60)! It's only a matter of time! And when this inevitably occurs, don't you think for a moment that BnB will hog those sweet veterinary expenses! Their generosity is so boundless that they will present you with the entire--often hefty--bill, without explanation or apology! Talk about TLC!
And don't concern yourself with those pesky regulatory bodies! The good people at BnB have a masterfully designed protocol for misleading any of those mean ol' animal welfare inspectors, ensuring that they stay as oblivious to your pets' well-being as you are!
If this all sounds too good to be true, like the sort of place where you couldn't possibly find boarding space on short notice, don't fret! At BnB, they never run out of space! With a kennel capacity running around 100, they'll never stop accepting dogs! If it means stuffing your fluffy Fido, bounding Buddy, or lovable Luna in a box far smaller than is healthy for their size (or which will be advertised to you, should you be gullible enough to take one of their informative "tours"), or leaving them in an unheated storage room for the night, you can sleep easy knowing BnB will always find a way to take your dog--and money!
So drop by BnB today! Beds-n-Biscuits: a dog's vacation hotspot and--hey, who knows?--maybe even their final pitstop on that rainbow bridge! read more