I'm quite a patient person. I've been known to suffer fools, give the benefit of the doubt and I'm…read moreusually the last person to realise someone's not worth the time. But TK Maxx, please, for the love of all that is good and pure, do something about your changing room attendant.
First I assumed he was anally retentive. He insisted I placed all my items on a clothes rail while he counted them. Then, the interrogation. Ooh, I have my nose pierced! Like people from India do! Well, indeed, it's part of modern Indian culture, originated in Middle Eastern nomadic tribes apparently. Right, now gimme my clothes.
"Are you from India?"
"Er, no. I'm from here. Just here."
"So why is your nose pierced?"
Are you serious? Let me in the changing room.
"You just like it?"
Oh no, I hate it. I had a needle inserted into my nostril for a dare. Yes I freaking like it, why the hell else would I be wearing it? Give me my clothes NOW!
"Yes. It was something I'd wanted done for about ten years." A meek answer finally got me into the changing room. Now, this should be another five star update. I had found two pairs of Diesel jeans, each worth over £200, TK Maxx price £40, clearance prices £9 and £10. You don't get that every day. So what if they're teeny tiny sizes that make you feel like you've expanded a la Violet Beauregarde, I'll just make sure I lie down when I zip them up. Either that or it's true what they say, Yelp increases your appetite... Anyway, after being bruised by the security tags several times, I made my exit. Sure enough, Creepy McCreeperson was schmoozing... wait for this... a mother and daughter. BOTH of them.
As I left I was asked more questions. Where am I from? My face looks representative of a mixture of origins. It just didn't seem to end. I was so perturbed by this, I mentioned it to my friend who'd also been browsing and trying on clothes. "Oh, the guy's unstoppable," he said. "He completely ignores the men. He's all over the women."
So there you have it. Proof that this guy isn't sociable or friendly, proof that he isn't just doing his job by engaging the general public in small talk... he's - just - chatting - up - females. Ladies, if you're ever in Regent Retail Park's branch of this double-dip recession-proof beast, by all means gather up the bargain jeans, but avoid the changing rooms. Seriously, it's like they hired Lindsay Lohan as the driver of a giant truck delivering alcohol and pharmaceuticals or something.
That said, three reasons I can never NOT shop at TK Maxx:
1) Amazeballs cookware (and sometimes random American food products, like Jelly Belly beans)
2) Bear Paws boots every winter
3) One of a mere three of four shops in the whole of Mancunia that stocks my bra size. Yeah, I'm looking at you, H&M, you discriminatory Swedes. Thanks TK Maxx.