Hot of The Press, it's ya boy LB hollering at you.
The news cycle for The Press, here on Yelp, has not been positive enough. So in swoops I, Linguini, to save the day by reckoning the truth and wrecking the ideology of any haters. 3.5 stars isn't enough for this spot.
A lovely interior in the heart of Scarsdale, a lovely town with lovely looking people. I showed up looking homeless and ashamed - The counterparts of the village looked esteemed, modelesque and disappointed in me. But the truth was... I was in a state of distress. The ham on my calf bone slightly peeled itself the night before and so I was hobbling around from the orthopedic to anywhere that would accept me. I begged for change to pay the lofty fee of my doctorial visit, but there were no takers. Maybe it was the oversized sweatpants or the oversized peacoat or the oversized boot of which I dragged through the streets... but nobody seemed to care for the ill-fallen Linguini. Nor, obviously, did I care for myself. Luckily my stomach ruled my mind and I found myself pressing up against the window of The Press, further glorifying myself as town Hobo.
Anyways. I walked up to the counter without an order which is atypical of an abnormal man such as myself. I occasionally come unprepared to see how quick witted, decisive, accurate and successful I can be within seconds. This be the true test of a master. And the master showed his mind by purchasing The Rothman and The Front Page. Lovely complimentary sandwiches for a lovely man at heart, no matter what the surface suggests.
Firstly... the price may originally threaten your wallet until the food comes out. Mamma Mia talk about size. A sizeful guy like myself recognizes sizes. These were flirting on gargantuan. The front page was front page worthy by sight, by taste I'd give more of a 4/5. But the Rothman... oh the Rothman. Bread pressed wonderfully. Tasty dressing, melted cheese, solid bacon and a tazminiacally (trademark that word) crispy cutlet. I could have that thang every darn day. The chips were very nice as well and of course I took a few bites with tossing some on the sandwich to be that guy. The Rothman is a 5/5.
I don't feel the urge to account. To crunch the numbers. To audit myself. Not even the IRS is allowed to audit me. So who's gonna stop me from balancing out this ledger? From "cookin the books?" Lemme fix this old score here for ya and toss a 5/5 because this place certainly does not deserve the low rating it currently has on this platform.
My plan is for my presence to become a familiar entity at The Press. The kids call that aura. But I will not be a familiar face. I will enter in costume; I will be cloaked, cluttered and cleverly calm. You'll never catch me. But I'll be there. A regular. A customer. A fan. Stay Sassy Scarsdale. read more