From the uncomfortably quiet and empty dining room to the embarrassing service, this is the first Michelin-starred establishment that has caused me to reconsider the integrity of Michelin rankings and make me wonder just who it is that has to be bribed to get these stars. The Clocktower will make me take pause before considering any other one star from here on out. To be fair, I had the Afternoon Tea service, rather than dinner or lunch, but if you're open during those hours, you must meet your guests' expectations. The Clocktower, on the other hand, clearly views 3-5pm from Friday to Sunday as an opportunity to slack on food and service, and as a ripe opportunity to bilk $55 from their guests on a pre fixe "Afternoon Tea" service.
Now, I've never had a proper "Afternoon Tea" in the British style, but I thought the prospect was intriguing at the very least. Fancy little munchies, teas of various sorts (of which I know very little), and just the right amount of pretension in the air could make the whole ritual enjoyable, or maybe, as Wikipedia even put it, "taken as a treat in a hotel" after a particularly busy week. The Clocktower, which offers "tastes of contemporary London" just steps away from Madison Square Park according to its website (not to mention the whole Michelin star thing) seemed like the perfect place to make my initial foray into pretentious Anglophile tea sipping.
I could not have been more wrong.
The visit started off well enough, finding the admittedly gorgeous spiral staircase in the more vibrant downstairs bar area of the hotel and being greeted by name by the host. Once seated in the ghost town of a dining room, we received the pre fixe menu consisting of your expected Afternoon Tea fare; various sandwiches, biscuits, jams, and the like. There were a number of teas to choose from as well. We immediately noticed that my guest and I had two different tea menus; no big deal, I would have never known about the Earl Grey option had I dined alone, but I opted for the White tea ($5 supp) anyway. Still, odd that a place that has a Michelin star doesn't have conforming menus. It's fine dining, not *Applebee's Daily Lunch Special.
Once the food made it to the table (which felt like an eternity given we didn't have any choices to make, but in a large, silent room with only one other table of guests, could have been an acceptable wait) we immediately noticed that the sandwiches didn't match what was on either of our menus (presumably there is a different, third menu that neither of us received where all the sandwiches come on white bread and the desserts are just a series of question marks). We asked the server about this discrepancy, who insisted on checking the menu with us (presumably in the event we couldn't read the word "pumpernickel" or didn't understand that pumpernickel, wheat, and rye breads all looked different than white bread), and had no real explanation. Ok, then.
Moving on to desserts, I couldn't even tell you what we ate. Just look at the menu description and look what was served on the little tiered thing. Do you see any tarts? (tart - a baked dish consisting of a filling over a pastry base). How about anything remotely resembling a sandwich? Me either. Given the experience with the sandwich bread situation, I didn't bother asking what the desserts were. I'm just grateful I don't have a food allergy; the Clocktower would be a VERY dangerous place to eat. On top of everything else, as others have noted, it took quite some time to find a server to ask for the check.
This was not an Afternoon Tea experience by any stretch of the imagination; this was a way for the Clocktower to repackage old food as Afternoon Tea hors d'oeuvres and trick you into paying $55 for what would otherwise be their garbage (the gastrointestinal distress that followed from eating their aged seafood sandwiches support this theory).
The servers (and the kitchen for that matter) have no idea what the menu says or offers; there is no "experience" whatsoever (aka explanation of the tea, the food, the ritual, etc.); and the entire thing takes place in an uncomfortably large and silent dining room. Unless you're into having tea at the Hotel California (but with worse food, no Eagles song, and nothing supernatural about it), this place probably won't be for you.
*this is an unfair insult to Applebee's, whose staff is often quite familiar with the specials. read more