Let's face it -- Target has something for everyone.
I have a friend from law school who grew up in the most privileged of circumstances (but who still managed to escape developing that dreaded "snotty brat" attitude) who has told me, with ZERO IRONY in her voice, that her two favorite stores are Target and Neiman Marcus. And so, because Target is just such an egalitarian place where you will find my friend, in her Juicy Couture and carrying a Fendi bag, shopping alongside the woman who cleans her apartment once a week (literally!), I offer to you, gentle reader, A Real Review For Real People. The following is what I consider a general experience of Target shopping, designed to reflect the general shopper.
(1) Day of the Week
(2) Adjective for a Person
(3) Adjective
(4) Adjective
(5) Noun (Place)
(6) Unit of Time (e.g. Second, Week, etc.)
(7) Noun (Thing)
(8) Noun (Thing)
(9) Noun (Thing)
(10) Number
(11) Noun (Thing)
(12) Noun (Thing)
(13) Noun (Thing)
(14) Number
(15) Noun (Thing)
(16) Number
(17) Proper Noun (Place)
(18) Adjective
(19) Adjective
(20) Number Between 0 and 1
(21) Body Part
I came here on a __(1)__ evening, and it was PACKED. After sitting next to a ___(2)___ guy on the train for ten minutes too long, I finally stumbled out of a __(3)___ eight-way intersection and into the __(4)___ arms of my personal __(5)___, Target. With my shopping list for the __(6)___ in head (or, for some, in hand), I went roaming the aisles for some __(7)___, __(8)___, and __(9)___. However, after searching high and low and elbowing a dude I swear was at least __(10)___ years old to get the last hand basket, I had to face the facts that, alas, there appeared to be no __(7)___, __(8)___, or __(9)___ to be had in the store. That's okay, though, because I picked up __(11)___, __(12)___, and __(13)___ along the way. I mean, I don't necessarily NEED ___(11)__, __(12)___, and __(13)___, but seriously...do you really think any SANE person would turn down a __(14)___% clearance sale???!? (And I am all that is sane...) In the end, I might not have found __(7)___, ___(8)__, or __(9)___, but I boarded the train with bags full of __(11)___, __(12)___, and __(13)___, not to mention a bunch of Hello Kitty __(15)___ that I found in the dollar (!!!) bins. All this for under $__(16)___! Seriously!
In the end, Target, even though you're more crowded than __(17)___ square on market day, you provide for me, even if it's with __(11)___, __(12)___, and __(13)___ (and not ___(7)__, __(8)___, or __(9)___, for which I originally entered your hallowed halls). And you are always full of surprises as I learn more about myself and the __(18)___ stuff that I go in not knowing that I even need it.
And for that I thank you. You __(19)___ loveable lug of corporate America, you.
And to YOU, gentle reader...you'd better appreciate the fact that I took what could have been a full __(20)___ billable hours to compose this little gem or else I swear...I'll kick you in the ___(21)___!
j/k
...or am I? read more