I wish I was a Mexican Scholar,
Studying La Bala,
I wish my favourite waitress was working, I would call her
I'd spend my rent money on tacos and gorditas
And live in Squalor.
I wish I had a couple more dollars,
I'd spend them at La Bala,
I wish I dated girls that eat here, I would holler,
I wish I had a fight every night with a guy from La Bala
(I'm a brawler)
I wish I owned a sea-bound trawler
I'd catch fish for La Bala
I wish I had a fisherman's wife back home, I would call her
Cause then I'd be bluecollar
Like a window installer
Or a graffiti scrawler
(The guys who paint on the wall... er...)
Anyway, I'm not trying to be a troller
Or a Yelp-review mauler
I just think that all-er
Y'all should stroll-er
Down to La Bala
Eat a bunch of tortas and gorditas and remember when your tummy was smaller.
WHAT.
Houston's best Mexican food. Right here. Right now. Real f**king cheap.
If the waitresses had night jobs as dominatrices then it'd be Tacos La Ballbuster. If Lebron James bought this place, it'd be Tacos La Baller. If it was the setting for an offbeat Australian 90s movie, it'd be Tacos La Strictly Ballroom. And if I go into the place to rob it, but instead of taking money, I just take all their food... then I'll probably wear a Tacos La Balaclava.
If you only eat one item from one Mexican restaurant in your life, eat the Cochinita Pibil Torta from this location of Tacos La Bala. It really is that good. Not only the best Torta I've ever had, but also quite possibly the best sandwich of any kind I've ever had. You must also try the tacos here, try a Gordita with Deshebrada, and you must order the heavenly Charro Beans too.
What to get: Torta de Cochinita Pibil
- anything de Cochinita Pibil
- anything de Deshebrada
- other good meats: Fajita is delicious
- what else to get: any Gordita or Torta or Taco, especially with Coch P or Desh
(desh desh desh says MC Mirella)
- and always get Charro Beans, theirs are some of the best
Avoid: we don't love their barbacoa as much, and I'm not into the legendary Torta De La Barda, authentic Tampico style but just not my thing.
I'm a Mexican food fanatic (not Tex Mex, but Mex Mex) and my porn star wife is full blood Mexicana. We eat this lard-filled barrel-tummy-inducing cuisine far too regularly for our own good. So we know. This is the #1.
This is real Mexican food, right out of coastal Tampico and steaming hot onto your plate, and not only the best Houston has to offer, but also the best I've ever had. So, whenever I'm in *any* Mexican place that *isn't* this place, I start rapping:
I wish I was a little bit taller
I wish this was La Bala
I wish I knew a girl who worked there, I would call her
I wish I had Pibil in a Taco with Salsa
Cuz I'm a taco-truck crawler
One of the best Gorditas I've ever had, and easily the best Torta I've ever had (the Cochinita Pibil). Cheap and deceptively stuffed despite it's small size, served on a Bolillo instead of a "Telera". As in an oval Mexican roll (absolute heaven). The Cochinita Pibil here is one of the tastiest meats I've ever had. The salsas (light green and red) combine to perfection. Both are very spice, the green is the queen, and the one to apply liberally.
As I said, the star item and the reason I keep coming back is the utterly incredible Torta de Cochinita Pibil. It's only five or six dollars which is ridiculous considering it's the best one you'll ever eat. They use a little bolillos. Some of their other tortas come on Telera Bread, which is wonderful too, but not like that little luscious bolillo.
Service is lovely and prices are insanely cheap. Every other restaurant is doubling or tripling in price, understandably so. Bala remains a dirt-cheap bargain and the best Mex food in Texas!
Barbi Barbieri says: "Anything with pibil is delicious! The torta is super good! The charro beans are so tasty! I love this place so much, I could write them a Balad!"
In conclusion: La Bala is simply the very best that there is. I've never had a better Mexican meal in my life.
So if you really miss King Of Pop Michael JACKO
And if you think that Trump was shady and WACKO
And why is weed illegal but not TOBACCO?
And why is everyone stoned in COLORADO?
And why was Connery hot to Lorraine BRACCO?
And why did the Ravens bench Joe FLACCO?
And why dya need a shovel when I gave you a BACK HOE?
And why live in a Maison when you could live in a CHATEAU?
And why get Herbal Jelly when you can get ALOE?
And why move to Belfast when you can live in GLASGOW?
And why does Trinidad cling on to TOBAGO?
And why does Buffalo Sauce taste better than TABASCO?
And why the hell is Asda cheaper than TESCO?
And why does foreskin not cast a FORESHADOW?
And why'd you visit Warsaw but ignore KRAKOW?
And why'd you call my porn goddess a CRACK HO?
If you ever got with her, I'm sure she'd have a CRAP O
Your gf has a lot of those, it's IPSO FACTO
This rap has worn me out, I refuse to take a NAP DOE
But if you're in Houston, get a LA BALA TACO
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