I experienced age and gender based inappropriateness at 7:45 pm today August 22/23 at the Staples store at Parkway Mall on Ellesmere in Toronto. The male employee at the checkout had spoken respectfully to the male customer ahead of me and to his younger female colleagues, but, automatically without being asked tried to mansplain how I should use the automatic pay machine and also began calling me "DEAR". He didn't call his younger female colleagues or male customers "DEAR" and he allowed the young male customer to use the payment machine without interference. Because of how I was treated as the only old woman present, I was deeply ashamed and asked for my money back, I was asked why and I said "it is ageist and sexist to automatically start calling older women you don't know "DEAR" (old dear, sweetie, hun, etc.). He began to defend himself loudly saying he "didn't mean it that way" - I said yes he did because he treated everyone else with respect, no once else was inappropriate labelled "DEAR" - and that I want my money back. At this point, a brilliant female employee stepped in,, and not only did she treat me with respect like any other customer, she also used the situation as a win-win opportunity, teaching new staff how to do refunds! I got my money back and went and bought my product somewhere else more affordably (plus choosing a place with automated check-out to avoid further hurt, shame and discrimination). They lost my business (and he was further in the wrong - I'm not retired - many of us old/er women not only work and can use equipment, but we are a growing demographic in the population and we do much of the purchasing decisions around office supplies). He wouldn't want his own grandmother treated this way, don't do it to me!!
Pat Arter (Area Agency on Aging)
Have you ever found yourself talking to an older adult, using terms like "sweetie," dear," or "honey"? Or, maybe you automatically start speaking at a louder volume, perhaps with a more deliberate enunciation of words?
This is referred to as "elderspeak". It is when an older adult is spoken to as if he or she is a child with limited understanding. You might hear that kind of speech by a health care worker, a service worker, or even a friend or family member. While it might be unintentional, the result can be very detrimental to the recipient.
A Yale University researcher on the effects of elderspeak, Becca Levy, says, the practice "sends a message that the [person] is incompetent, and begins a negative downward spiral for older adults who react with decreased self-esteem, depression and withdrawal."
This type of speech is received as being condescending and even disrespectful to older adults. It can be damaging to their mental health and well-being. (And may shorten life expectancy by 7 years in the targets of this treatment). read more